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Want to See Some Real Riots?
A Hoodrat Apocalypse Countdown for the Surefire Urban Unrest Game Changer [With Blackout Update]


Blackout Update: As we come off a weekend that saw six bodies dropped in Harm City in 48 hours, and multiple children from age 8-13 shot, I walked past a house five blocks from my home where a 16 year old girl's body was pulled out by firemen, early Sunday morning. She was apparently killed in her grandmother's house before the fire was set and an autopsy has just been planned! I have definitely decided that I live in a new and nastier Baltimore than I did two months ago.

The buses—even the school bus I took home this morning—are still no more than 75% of normal capacity, which means many more people are using mass transit than two weeks ago. The interesting thing is the nature of the 25% mass transit user shortfall. The only people that have not resumed using the bus fall into two groups, the first tiny, the other large:

1. white women

2. the innocent unarmed black youth who normally cause problems for the driver, or who attack other youths, threaten adults, or otherwise make themselves a nuisance to law abiding people

I wonder what group 2 is doing. Perhaps they are no longer wannabe gangbangers but the real thing, recruited into the burgeoning drug war?

As I was mulling over these matters I received a call from Miss Ezz, Ghetto supermarket checkout manager, who had read this article.

"Hey Sugar, loved the EBT roadmap to urban oblivion. But you left something out. Whenever there is a power outage, a flood, or a bad storm, our customers get an immediate EBT distribution of two-hundred or four-hundred dollars, depending on how long the power was out. More free money! What if there is a power outage for a week, and these slackers don't get their one thousand dollars for their cable TV being cut off? Talk about a riot!"

"Also, with SSI, if the first of the month falls on a Saturday or a Sunday, the checks will come out on Friday.

"Stay safe, Baby Cakes!"

I stand corrected, me and all of me ghetto-babe pet name alter egos.

The Baltimore Riots and Purge could have been predicted based on the Fergusson affair, and, like Fergusson, will be repeated when the police trial verdicts come down. Local pharmacies have already begun boarding up their entire store fronts in anticipation of looting later this summer.

Taken in context the Baltimore riots were paltry next to the potential: a mere few hundred children battling the BPD to a standstill while a mere 200 business were looted out of thousands.

What do you think it would be like if the hoodrat adults joined the riots?

Imagine, instead of hundreds of young thugs, tens of thousands of all ages spilling down city streets like a ravenous flood of inequity!

What could—would—trigger this?

As recorded in ‘Don’ Dey Know People Gots Ta Eat!’ people who lived at the epicenter of the Baltimore Riots began threatening to loot the store where the police sub station is.

The one thing that will drive riots quicker than anything is a lapse—or God forbid—a halt, in welfare disbursements. For a worst case scenario make it the very last day of July, of any old year, and suppose that the U.S. government is bankrupt, or that the electronic transfer system is down from an EMP blast. What will the urban unrest trajectory be?

The Welfare Apocalypse

The following trajectory is based on government subsidy disbursement dates.

1st: SSI payments are not made, bringing hardship upon the elderly, the retarded, the handicapped, and the willfully disabled. There will be media flak and political appeasement, but no riots.

2nd: A third of welfare recipients do not get their EBT cash. Fortunately EBT cash is used primarily to buy lottery tickets, alcohol, cigarettes and drugs, and transfer money to loved ones under the care of the Federal Bureau of Prisons. Rather than looting we will likely see end of month levels of crimes such as shoplifting and strongarm robbery.

3rd: Two thirds of welfare recipients have not received their cash.

4th: All welfare recipients have not received their cash and the looting of liquor stores and newsstands begins in earnest.

5th: No free money comes out on the fifth, the hoodrats are used to this and should calm down to a simmer.

6th-15th: Beginning with the 6th, every day at midnight, hoodrats do not receive the food stamps that their last name's placement in the alphabet entitles them to. The pantries and refrigerators are empty. Since the government has so wisely put the poor on a once a month grocery shopping schedule, after 30 days of no significant shopping, the hoodrat larders are empty of scrimps, chicken wings, ramen noodles, pop tarts, soda pop, and juice boxes. This avalalnche of hunger, engineered by the federal government to do for the poor what the The Cool Spring Reservoir did for Uniontown, Pennsylvania in 1912, would, if EBT food stamp transfers were not received over this 10 day period, cause between 10,000 and 100,000 low income blacks to overrun Baltimore retailers.

That would be a riot.

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