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Harm City Pigpen
Police add insult to injury after mugging, By Connor Meek
© 2015 James LaFond
JUL/7/15
Adam Swinder was beginning to doubt my indictment of the BPD and checked the Harm City Letter of Record and forwarded a link to the story at the bottom of this page.
The hipster bicyclist that wrote this letter to the Sun Paper is astonishingly clueless, which leads me to believe that he perhaps immigrated from Planet Manpurse. I can’t salute that gang of kids enough for placing this guilt ridden liberal at the bottom left of the food chain where he deserves to be feasted upon.
Imagine, if you will, the arrogance, of some lone, unarmed, sissy, riding a bike in a wood, near dusk, in a city renown for black on white violence, in close proximity to a black ghetto, whose youth have used this very park to practice firing their new guns, jump in recruits, murder snitches, plan attacks on police officers—and have gang bangs?
While we wrap our heads around 14 year old gang bangers gang banging, let us also wrap our heads around the fact that this is no longer 1903, and Teddy Roosevelt is not going to send the marines to punish every band of colored persons who dare to a lay rude hands on a member of the Master Race. Conner, that only works when European armies are wiping out colored people on a bloody regular! You would have been safer in Angola in 1976.
Thank you, sir, for emboldening another dozen or so black youths, who might now make the mistake of trying to take something from me, which might just put me behind bars for the rest of my life. Please, instead of encouraging black on white crime, ride that bike across the Jones Falls Expressway at 8:15 a.m. this coming Monday morning!
Better yet, preserve yourself for the zombie apocalypse—which I hear is nigh—so that I might stake you out for the zeeks!
Okay hipster immigrants, how about if you at least watch The Wire before moving to the town its black residents refer to as Bodymore Murderland.
Thanks, Adam.
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Ishmael     Jul 7, 2015

James, the fact that he could still dial 911 tells me volumes, if he would of work up in pain hrs later, well tough shit get used to pain.
James     Jul 7, 2015

The fact that they did not take his smartphone—which is the #1 reason for Baltimore youth muggings—is an indication that, to them, this was a prank.

In a similar situation my black friend, former boxer, Hines, punched out one black kid, tucked the other one under his arm, and dragged him around while chasing the third kid until the police arrested him for assaulting his muggers.
Jeremy Bentham     Jul 7, 2015

Gosh, this is amazing! LMAO! Are you certain you didn't get this out of "The Onion" James? If the setting was in Europe it would be a Kafka story. But you can't make up stuff like this can you? Our country has become one enormous social and political satire.
James     Jul 7, 2015

You just know that the cops had to be laughing their asses off whenever his back was turned, and then turning sour faced and demeaning again when he got done blowing his nose and dabbing his eyes! I once interviewed Sleepy, about getting shanked for being black and happy at night in a white crime zone. The black cop that took his statement in the hospital chewed him out. It's a shame Officer Leroy Jackson was not there to quip to Conner, "Whiteboy, is you retarded?!"
nightboat2cairo     Jul 7, 2015

Yes, thanks to Adam.

"I wish they had informed me of the unusual schedule before I bought a home in the neighborhood."

I shouldn't laugh so much at Connor but I can't help it. Maybe it's a brilliant parody?

"I can't imagine walking up to that door as a black female rape victim, ..."

Gotta signal his privilege awareness. He didn't even complain about the muggers.
James     Jul 7, 2015

Oh, black female rape victims?

Let's give the local homeboys some pity here. A few years ago two black females lured a young gang banger to a park close to this one for sex. Dude did not get laid, and did not live to lie about it.
Sir Lord Baltimore     Jul 8, 2015

James,

Well, Connor MEEK. A fitting surname for this young gentlemen. Like other commenters I found Connor and his actions and subsequent reactions absolutely hilarious. I about shot my morning coffee through my nose. His indignation was cute.

I spent many, many years riding a bicycle as my sole form of transportation through the zombie filled streets of Baltimore. I entertained the thought of using the Gwynns Falls Trail once or twice. Nixed the thought however. Too damn dangerous. Its a kill box for young dumb whitey. Unlike riding through ghetto streets a cyclist cannot just make an abrupt detour and ride out of harms way.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=10IeZrpQhP8youtube.com/watch?v=10IeZrpQhP8

Check this video out.A hipster cyclist that at least had balls and stood up for himself. Granted he made a few mistakes. Mostly of the location and time variety (the stretch of Guilford he was on was mostly fine during the day...at night, especially Saturday night, not so much.)

My bike bag (or man purse) contained an industrial sized can of pepper spray and folding baton. On my person there was always a lockblade knife and my U-Lock was always in my back right pocket. As you will note in the video posted our young hipster protagonist uses his as a weapon.

I no longer live in Baltimore or Maryland. When I ride I often add a concealed 9mm to my cycling gear.

Be safe out there my friends,

Sir Lord Baltimore
James     Jul 9, 2015

First, thank you, My Lord Baltimore, for addressing one of your humble peasants who you have abandoned to the wiles of the urban unkind.

The weapon kit, especially the U-lock, sounds excellent.
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