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Walking in the Street
Why Certain People Walk in the Street Instead of on the Sidwalk


"As someone who seems to understand the mysterious behaviors of those urban Americans who move out from the city and into suburbia, perhaps you could explain to me why certain people walk in the street instead of on the sidewalk. Is this an attempt to win a lawsuit? Why risk your life in the street when you could safely walk on the sidewalk?"
-Nelson

Thanks, Nelson. I was feeling under the weather today, and you have reignited my ravenous intellect with a question for the ages. So, play deep, brother, because I'm about to hit this one out of the ballpark...
First, Nelson, recall, that as with any other laboratory animal subject to artificially induced stresses, the American Hoodrat, is a highly conditioned creature, a virtual creation of the oligarchic, federal mind.
I might as well ask you, Mister Nelson, of Whitebreadistan, why, if in Kebmo and WrayWray's neighborhood, your white ass would insist on walking the narrow gauntlet of ambuscades, muggings and mob stompings that is the urban sidewalk, when you could walk down the middle of the unused street?
You see, Kebmo and WrayWray have a set of neighbors who are violent, opportunistic predators living in their dens on side streets never patrolled by the police, making their sidewalks quite dangerous. Also, since not enough stupid white people have come into their neighborhood to enable them to earn enough cash "jacking fools up in front a da stoop," these violent people have not been able to purchase an automobile.
The people that do drive are responsible elements of society like, the dummy that works, the drug dealer, the pimp, the hitter, and the stripper, who would not run someone over in the street. White people, especially, are averse to squashing hood rats under their tires, and the hood rats know this, trusting the white people driving through their newly subsidized environs to avoid striking them with their car, but still leery of sidewalks, because they know, that the first predatory hoodrat who claims this street as his hunting ground, is going to begin hitting targets on the sidewalks, not in the street.
Class Dismissed.
Add Comment
PRCDFebruary 16, 2016 9:57 PM UTC

I think it's a form of passive-aggressive behavior used to get a rise out of white people.

I'm sure what you're saying is true in an urban context. However, they're surely smart enough to see that no ambushes exist in Whitopia. They're just trying to make Whitopia more like the place they came from.
responds:February 21, 2016 10:39 AM UTC

You are correct. This is more than passive aggression—and it happens in the city too. These people, who learned to avoid the worst of their kind, will use that behavior to set up confrontations with softer white types whenever possible—then they run into some raw white trash and melt...

Whitopia—foreve—eh, would you believe, until next year?