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Anachronistically Confused
An Extraterrestrial Anthropologist Beseeches The 300-plus Geeks Who Read Anachronistically Yours
© 2014 James LaFond
JAN/15/14
A number of readers—one being Erique, a training partner [who has discovered that I’m still not used to these awkward bilateral appendages and continue to sprain my flexor tendons and ankles in sparring] who works in the comic book industry—give or loan me material to review for the site. Two people have even sent me books to review that they did not have time to read; using me as a living cliff note I suppose—talk about feeling used!
I typically begin my writing week on Monday with seven articles outlined and saved in miniature at the bottom of the screen. I also carry about 300 outlines in the various folders. Daily I check the backend of the site for comments and views, responding to the comments, and noting how the reader views are trending. For instance, if I have 200 reads today, and 150 of them are book review reads, and I have two Harm City and two book reviews outlined, I will get the reviews out there first.
Now, occasionally a piece will take off, like when MMA Gloves and Boxing got 1,000 reads in two days. Obviously some coven of cerebral knuckleheads found this article—which Fight Magazine scoffed at in 2010—to be useful. Then Charles found out it had been reposted on some site or another. That makes sense, and is flattering. As a writer it is always a weird feeling when something written years ago becomes popular. For one thing, I regard everything I wrote before 2011 as being pretty poorly crafted. I can’t even bare to read stuff I wrote before 2000.
In late 2012 I wrote a piece titled Anachronistically Yours: Crawling Into the Multimedia World. It received about 50 reads over a year on the site. Of the 750 or so articles and stories posted on this site I would have to rate it at about 600, far worse than the last thing I would put in my ghost writer’s application submission if I found myself attempting to whore for We Pay You To Write Big Guy.slum. The article was basically a plea to the reader, to please explain to me why I am apparently retarded when it comes to comprehending comic books.
Anachronistically Yours is now the third most read piece on this site. It has picked up over 250 reads in the past week. Still, no reader comments, “Hey, LaFond, it’s because you’ve been punched in the head 10,000 times!”
What has happened to that crappy piece of griping, ‘I’m too old to appreciate what you young bucks are into’ keyboardmanship?
Are a bunch of comic geeks sitting around drinking bright blue Mountain Dew into the wee hours, taking turns reading it in imitation of me, and then applauding the geek who sounds the most like Burgess Meredith griping to Sly Stallone?
Has some Japanese biotech firm identified in me a master strain of dyslexia, their Takonori Gomi-looking white-suited Yakusa goons already on their way to Baltimore to abduct me for an excruciatingly lethal round of testing, in their quest to develop a manga speed-reading drug?
Have my fellows from school, back on Regal-S, finally noted my achievements as an extraterrestrial anthropologist? Does old M-12 stand before the Remote Viewing Portal even now, with his indicating appendage pointed at Anachronistically Yours, and his verbal orifice announcing, “There, would be students of the life way of lesser forms, there is a stroke of genius! Consider M-116’s example and imbed yourself as the idiot of the population!”
Really, an expiring mind wants to know, why did you repost or link to Anachronistically Yours?
Please, let me now before this deteriorating LaFond avatar completely wears out.
Extraterrestrially Yours, Regal M-116-S
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