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Heinous Huffers
The Most Despicable Dopefiends
© 2014 James LaFond
Last Wednesday night during the recent blizzard I made it to work at Fred’s Fine Foods For Foodstampers just before midnight. I work the frozen foods and dairy case over night. The place was trashed. What was glaringly apparent was that the whipped topping section in the dairy was empty. There were only a few cans left. The night captain was walking by and I pointed at the empty shelf, “Do we have a surge in bachelorette parties around here.”
He shook his head in disgust and set down three cans of the aerosol dairy cream and groused, “The drug dealers must be snowed in. All of the druggies are walking out with this stuff.”
An hour later after I stocked the section two snot-nosed punks, pasty white and pimpled, and doing a piss poor job of representing the Caucasian gene pool, came through the aisle and headed back to the bathroom. While I was stacking my empty pallets these two headed up front. A minute later Ron came back with an armful of Readywhip and handed it to me, “I told the dummies if they didn’t cough it up I was calling the police, so I didn’t have to chase them. As stupid as they are the last thing they need is to be snorting more of this stuff.”
Huffing aerosol is predominantly a passion of white teenagers, although, in later years many will fall back on it in lean times long after they have moved on to better drugs. When I worked in South Baltimore I had to check the aerosol whip before I touched it. Down there those fends would unzip the seal and blast all of the gas up their nose right there in the aisle, resulting in nose bleeds. Most nights that I worked at the Fort Avenue store I had at least one canister on the dairy shelf with blood and other nasal secretions dripping down the side.
This was also a habit in Northeast Baltimore stores. I once worked with a crew who all huffed the Airwick room freshener and then sat back against the pallet stack and giggled and said “Wow man” for an hour.
South Baltimore was the worst. There were three particular boys who had stomped an older black dishwasher to death a month before I began working in the neighborhood. My new coworkers told me to be careful walking on Key Highway coming in because these guys were notorious, their Uncle was politically connected, and everyone in the area ‘knew’ they had killed the man, but they had not even been arrested. I thought the stories of the murder seemed a bit over blown, and did not imagine the cops being that incompetent.
Then one night, while I was stocking the ice cream with my back to the Readywhip case, these three came in behind me and starting huffing gas. When the security guard said something to them they started bragging about having beaten a man to death. If I said anything it would have ended badly. The lead kid was short and potbellied. I turned to put my plastic in the trash box and accidently shoulder butted him in the chin. They all got quiet while I stared in his face. I was holding a large utility knife in my right hand. I told the security man that I needed to get a cart from out front and would be walking up with him. The three punks walked between us chuckling, mumbling and acting tough, until they got to the checkout. The security guard put the canisters on the belt so they could pay for their huff, and out the door they went, without a fuss.
I hope one night I get to see one of these fiends literally blow his brains out with this stuff. I’ll gladly swing the mop that erases his stain.
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Governor of Michigan     Feb 19, 2014

Up their nose? Really? I've literally never heard of that. I've recreated with "whip-its", nitrous oxide, laughing gas, many times in the past. (Don't judge me. It's 5 seconds of a heroin-like high, with virtually no short or long-term side effects unless you're breaking records, all for about 40 cents a refill.) I've easily seen 20-30+ people use whip cream cans. Maybe more. Never up the nose. That sounds completely retarded. Are you mistaking one substance for another? Or are these kids so dumb as to attempt to snort nitrous?

FYI it's not an aerosol or solvent (whip cream cans that is). Just a food-grade gas dentists use. Everything ELSE in a market or department store has the brain-melting chemicals. Tourine, CFCs, hydrocarbons of just about every variety. Spray-paint. Keyboard cleaner. Etc.

Got to get back to ripping off pension moneys and fleecing out every last decent middle-class job to an asian market.... Peace!
James     Feb 19, 2014

Yes, up the nose to the point of bleeding. Now much of what I don't see being huffed may be getting sucked into another orifice.

Very informative.
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