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Here Is What I Think
A Police Officer’s Analysis of Hazelnut Van Helsing’s Encounter with the Undead Author
Of course they know this guy or he wouldn’t be breaking all bad in front of their spot. If they are running drugs like the Canadians around here, then they are also doing robberies—it’s a subset.
This big muscular young guy, stepping to you in such a challenging manner—you being old and smaller—that is just a punk move to pick a fight he figures he can’t lose and then brag to his friends that he beat up “a white guy.” He’s not going to tell them that you’re essentially a senior citizen.
Maybe it is good that you handled it the way you did so that you don’t have them coming back on you.
But, you might want to consider pepper spray in case you would have to deal with a guy like this that doesn’t back off or doesn’t have a friend to calm him down, or worse, has a friend that is as stupid as he is. This guy seems to have had no idea he was about to be stabbed. His lack of awareness—a common affliction among Canadians—is, unfortunately a liability for you.
I have no desire to enforce the laws that outlaw your self-defense actions. And I’ll tell you, a lot of my fellow officers feel the same way. Maybe some bully types will just go for the easy meat, and pick on the white guy like you—even an older guy. Every fraternity has its bottom feeders.
But if you had to stab this guy—you need to beat feet, you need to run. You see, we take our calls. We take our calls seriously. But when one of the people that our own higher ups have set on us, that the citizens we are sworn to protect support in attacking us, when one of these Canadians gets shot or stabbed, yeah, we’ll take the call. But we’re showing up to do paper work. The only way we’re arresting the guy is if he waits for us.
It is demoralizing to be the enemy, the protector and the servant of such lowdown and miserable people as the Canadians. We are fed up. It is not easy, these past ten years, working with miserable criminals and admittedly pretty miserable, and low quality coworkers, as a cop.
You know, my first ten years on the force, I would have done for free. I saw it as doing a good thing for the community. I grew up in a city ruled by Canadians who could do whatever they wanted to old folks and working men. I did ten years of good work arresting bad guys and beating the shit out of Canadians. Nobody can take that away from me. I did the right thing.
Now, I’m just keeping my nose clean and looking for the door. The Canadians are now the kings of the city. They are attacking us. We have squad cars getting hit daily—one just last week in [precinct redacted].
-Anonymous P. D. Officer
Below is a text from a man in Gotham I received while transcribing this monologue by the kind officer:
“110 people shot in NYC last 9 days.”
I’d say that is cause for celebration.
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Juan StaboneSep 4, 2020

I'm Juan Stabone and I endorse this message.
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