Click to Subscribe
Skinhead Machete versus Klingon Knife
The Crackpot Takes Bio-Mechanical Note of the Most Momentous Event of the 21st Century
© 2021 James LaFond
That's right, Ham Slice, the most important event of the first 21-years of this high tech century, is, thus far, hands down, this unskilled duel.
A sissy age has to come crashing down the unforgiving stairs of Time at some point. A start is for the seeds of a new manly age to be planted, if however crudely and with slack jaw.

Bloody sword fight in UK streets… Video – CITIZEN FREE PRESS
Wed, May 12, 5:29 PM (2 days ago
FYI James.
Looks like dueling with swords is making a comeback in the UK. Or least with machetes as an effective if not traditional substitute.
The commentary doesn’t elaborate on whether this is a ‘duel of honor’, a ‘prize fight’ or just an impromptu street brawl between two latter day ‘swashbucklers’.
Jeremy Bentham
“What a brave weapon is a short sharp light sword, to carry, to draw, to be nimble withal, to strike, to cut, to thrust both strong and quick”
- George Silver, Paradoxes of Defense (1599)
“Seldom shall you see one of my countrymen above eighteen or twenty years old go without a dagger at least at his back or at his side, although they are aged burgesses or magistrates of a citie, who in appearance are much exempt from brabbling and contentions. Our Nobilitie were commonly swords or rapiers with these daggers, as doth everie common serving man that followeth his lord and master…Finallie , no man travelth by the waie without sword or somesuch weapon except the minister, who commonly wearth none at all unlesse it is a dagger or hanger at his side.”
-Raphael Holinshed, Holinshed's Chronicles of England, Scotland, and Ireland, First Edition (1577)
Bloody sword fight in UK streets… Video – CITIZEN FREE PRESS
It’s worth reading the explanatory thread on this fight… Wounds of the winner

If you click on the explanatory thread, you may be able to see the twitter feed
Wed, May 12, 1:09 AM (2 days ago)
Bloody sword fight in UK streets… Video – CITIZEN FREE PRESS

K: "Zombie knife" vs machete
Tue, May 11, 4:16 AM (3 days ago)
Hi James,
Hope this finds you well.
I got sent this (see below) this morning and thought you might find it interesting - apologies if you've already seen it.
Okay so we were a bit hard on brits as americans for the "lol no guns" thing but they have just now provided us with the first ACTUAL sword fight caught on camera that isnt choreographed or part of some LARP sport.
“Okay so we were a bit hard on brits as americans for the "lol no guns" thing but they have just now provided us with the first ACTUAL sword fight caught on camera that isnt choreographed or part of some LARP sport.
Here's the State's explanation of "zombie knife" you'll see how even a serrated rescue knife (or even a bread knife) could be classed as this - contrary to what some twatter users are saying, machetes are not banned here as far as ownership goes but carrying one in public without good reason (landscape work etc) would be.
Anything designed to be, modified to be or carried to be a weapon is the catch all the police can use.
Until recently, you used to be able to buy these shitty fantasy knives in video game trade in shops along with airsoft guns and bongs locally - they really knew their customer base.
I believe the zombie part has nothing to do with South African gangs as one "twat" stated but rather that zombie green is a colour also called venom green and they've just run with that name to up the terror:
Some had called this a duel - which is not how I'd personally recognise it. Just looks to me like an arms race. Topless lad has gone round to settle some kind of score - the homeowner pulls out his fantasy klingon blade and nearly kills him - back to the truck to force equalise with a machete and off we go. If he'd left it with getting his neck cut and played the game - the homeowner would have been crucified by the courts.
"You've had it now boy!" possibly on the top 10 worst things to say on camera while armed in the middle of the street.

The fat Klingon plushy, holds his weapon in a low lead, and should have had his arm cleaved off, but for the over-eager crudity of his superior antagonist. Even though this fellow is following, he has the weapon in the lead, indicating that Skinhead can leave if he wants—but that shit was not going away.
Of course, my mind having been fully colonized by Keto Rick, I am rooting for the skinny man.
Note that Skinhead almost took a lethal cut to the brain pump earlier, when apparently unarmed. He was a good inch from dead. He also took a cut on his machete hand wrist, which could be predicted by his offish swinging of the machete. We are going to need to put in some work here, before Team Yeti travels to Nigeria for the International Machete Dueling finals. But hope waxes arterial!

Yeti Machete Coaching Points
-1. Never reach with a blade.
This man lost his weapon twice. If you want to stroke hard use diagonal X-pattern strokes pulling hand from shoulder to far hip and then backhanding to guard from left him to far shoulder.
-2. Never go lateral with the blade unless he is kneeling in front of you and you are behind him. When you do stroke lateral, you will be well served to have swung a base-ball bat or to have done stick-fighting, where you learn to rotate the hand face down as your wrist breaks when the hand passes the mid point of the stroke. A hard stroke, with a weapon which has no pummel, will kick the weapon out of your hand often, unless you dump the palm down when your wrist breaks. The wrist “breaking” refers to the joint at the base of the thumb opening and the small pinkie finger being left to hold onto the speeding handle, which is about to go into rotation.
Read Twerps, Goons and Meat-Shields, the definitive training manual for bad behavior with one-handed extension weapons.
-3. Do not square-up.
-4. Do not lurch forward, rather, switch step, like walking.
-5. Do not lead with the empty hand, even if you have a shield in it.
-6. Get a camera man that is willing to get closer—at least wear a go-pro, so we can take training notes.
-7. Bro, the next time you ground some long-haired smurf pretending to be a Klingon warrior, do not drop the blade. This is not Hollywood—you don't have to drop the weapon in accordance with the Chuck Norris Rule—you are already going to prison for being a man. Use that blade to take his scalp!
Better things are to come.
Strength and honor.
See you in Nigeria—oh, wait, my bad...Nigeria is coming to us!
modern combat
Telescopic Batons?
when you're food
logic of force
let the world fend for itself
  Add a new comment below: