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Crowbar Combat?
1 of 3: An X Reader Wishes to Survive Orkocracy: 5/17/24
© 2024 James LaFond
MAY/17/24
IntheseGoingsDown and I were at the neighborhood bar across the street from the gym after our boxing session. Darling Lynn texted:
“There is a video of a hand being taken off in a knife fight. It’s nasty. Do you want to see it?”
My inferior device could not do this. So, my fellow received the link on his X device. Viewing the video at the bar, through what seemed a palenteer in his hands, I was transported to Middle Earth, to Isenguard, looking down from my proud tower over the fluttering white beard to see, two of my Orks battling for my attention, seeking to entertain…
The victor lost his left hand from an inward defensive cut as he was entering. After the other ork, who, I am told, bled to death after leaving in seeming good condition, the victor picked up his own hand and swaggered off!
I spoke with Lynn last night after training the Operator in knife fighting. I sit here this morning haunted by the conversation. Asked if we liked the video, I answered:
“We watched it ten times at the bar—at least! It was a good entertainment, surrounded by wiseguys, whores, drug dealers and characters. Just think, one day, we will be able to look across the street from the bar and see a machete fight! That day is growing near, the machete soon to be the most common weapon in America!”
Lynn than said, “I know you don’t write about this anymore. But a reader wants to know how to use a crowbar for self defense, in the mixed weapon and multiple attacker contexts. I said to get one and hit a tree with it. I remember you rehabbing a wrist injury beating a tree stump with hammers and an ax in Utah while you talked to me on the phone with the other hand.”
Lynn, how callous! A moment of pause for the loss of that heroic ork paw!
Now, while headed to the liquor store the next day for the hair of the dog, we saw a Harbor Freight location. My friend asked what I thought about that, as it is a known Chinese retail outlet across the nation, an affront to Murkan tool supremacy…
“A good arsenal; especially when the drones lock down firearm use and we are all left as orks fending for Sarumon’s approval. This, Lynn, was a message from GOD. I must write of it. I once did a crowbar video which Dennis Dale took down when he ghosted me. I will do another. Until then I’ll skype this to you for Substack.”
The Lady Objected, “But what is the point. It’s so heavy, unless you are a gorilla, how do you use it effectively?”
That is the point. And Lynn, please, more sensitivity for One Hand Bro—the G-word, really!
Prybar and Crowbar
I use the term crowbar. But carpenters I have worked with, have informed me that the crowbar is the 20 pound, five foot long, crow-footed octagonal staff I was too weak to use to move the log splitter out of a pothole… which I was qualified to fill in and patch, “That’s right Nige, good work!” said the Captain.
The short steel bar, that is hooked, The Major told me, is the humble prybar, mostly for removing nails from timber. The prybar is hooked on one crowfooted end like a cane. The other end either has a crowfoot or chisel tooth end. The shape is octagonal.

To be Continued on Substack in two parts:
Crowbar Combat.
2 of 3: An X Reader Wishes to Survive Orkocracy: 5/17/24
Limitations and potentials of the prybar as an improvised weapon, for three ascending categories of potential users.
Citizen Prybar
Combatant Prybar
Predator Prybar
Soon at
Crowbar Combat!
3 of 3: An X Reader Wishes to Survive Orkocracy: 5/17/24
An exercise in experimental combat.
To be conducted on video on Friday and Saturday may 24th and 25th to be posted and linked at:
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