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‘Your Opinion on A Black James Bond?’
A White Man Question from Malcolm
© 2015 James LaFond
“James, I heard Daniel Craig won’t do another James Bond movie, and they’re going to cast the dude that played Stringer Bell in The Wire as James Bond. Okay, on one hand, as a black dude, I’m like, ‘Cool, an actor that is easier for me to identify with getting all the girls and having all the latest tech.’ But on the other hand, the geek in me asks, ‘Really, isn’t it going to be a little harder for Bond to fade into a crowd in Monaco when he’s the only brother there?’”
On White Wednesday, within a week of the police killing of a white man, in a warped world where his death must be hidden so it might remain purposeless, a young man of color asked this movie nerd question, of me, a luddite who avoids movies 27 days per month and he was hoping for a serious answer?
Fist, Malcolm, although I have forgotten the actor’s name, his performance as the dapper advisor to the drug king pin, Stringer Bell, was excellent, and I think he would make more of a Sean Connery type of James Bond than the necessarily more aggressive Craig.
As for the race of the famous 007, below are the reasons why I think he should be black, and not white.
1. James Bond kills for the global Anglo-American bankocracy, whose most loyal thugs have been, and will be, members of our world-wide underclass, who might best be trusted with heaping injustice upon those above them and below their masters who might oppose the global good.
2. James Bond is the best-dressed of all heroes. In a world were award winning sociologist Elijah Anderson decries the slovenly nature of wealthy whites who fail to dress up to their station, who has more respect for the well-dressed drug-dealer than the white business owner in jeans and flannel, then our best-dressed action hero should be a black man. If ours was the world of Booker T. Washington, who bemoaned the habit of newly minted black politicians dressing up like rich white people instead of doing their civic duty, than Bond would be white. But in our hip-hop identified society, only a black Bond makes sense.
3. James Bond is an extreme womanizer, so who better to play him than a handsome black man? Black men alone are excused by the modern feminocracy of the charges of using women as play things, so again, Bond should be black.
4. James Bond uses a small caliber handgun, which means he does not suffer from Dirty Harry-scope penis envy and mechanical overcompensation. Therefore, a member of the famously well-endowed race should be the bearer of a pea-shooter in a worldwide campaign on terror.
5. With his focus and dependence on gadgetry, James Bond is the most materialistic of action heroes, and virtually homeless—tooling around in kingly cars. He should therefore be depicted as a member of that segment of our masculine society renown for spending more money on his car than his lodging, a man who had mythologized himself as a rolling stone, a man whose cast aside hat indicated that temporary space that was, for now, his home.
6. Ultimately, James Bond is a slave to a vast impersonal machine, so, it is about time that an actor belonging to the only race of men that we are taught were ever enslaved by an unjust society should depict the Queen’s Secret Killer.
7. As the hero of gadgetry, 007 is dependent upon devices invented by a creepy white man, devices which he barely understands. In a world where videos are uploaded into the worldwide database every minute by illiterate urban black children who could not spell their own name if their mothers had had the knowledge to assign it the correct letters, who better to wield the mystery gadgets of Q in acts of violence than a black agent of empire?
James Bond should be black.
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