The Violence guy ran into a ghetto legend after dark last night…
“You now, I’m glad I run into you son! I seen some shit yesterday that was so cool it made my day—hell made my month! I’m layin’ up with the pitbull on the couch fixin’ to watch some white trash put a hurtin’ on some zombies en he snorrin’ like a grown-ass man. I shake his dumbass awake en he snarlin’ with his eyes closed, at somethin’ goin’ on outside, across the street, at the crackhouse.
“Three generations of crack heads up in that joint. They move in, move the furniture onto the lawn, lay out mattresses on the floor en let the fiends layup in dare.
“There lights outside: three cop cars. They came strong ‘cause someone called on the son-in-law, about him havin’ a gun. They takin’ him in and his mother-in-law ain’t havin’ it. The cop—a muscular white cop, definitely hittin’ the weights—tells her to back off, like three times. Then she goes and pushes him from behind. Now how stupid can one bitch be?
He spins around behind her and wraps her around the waist, which was somethin’ ta se ‘cause this was one big bitch. This bitch went four-fifty at least! He couldn’t have got his hands locked but I couldn’t see for the rolls of flab. Then he look around—and boom! Suplex! It was like WWE, like Rampage back in the Pride days son, dropped that big bitch on her neck!
“Now this dumb bitch whinin’ ‘My foot, my foot be broke. I got out the hospital yesterday’, her foot is up in the air. She was too damn fat ta roll over, just lay there, ‘Ooo nooo, my foot, my foot—get his badge number.’
“This other fat bitch from next door come out sayin’ about how she seen that ‘brutality shit’, en she work for a cab company, en she know this en that. Then the cop step up en yells in her face, ‘You don’ know shit you dumb bitch! Get your dumbass inside or I’ll slam your ass too!’
“Fat Mamma still got the foot in the air whinin’ that her foot broke and the big black cop covered her face with his foot and said, ‘Bitch, if it was broke it would have a cast on it.’
“Now the daughter, with the three kids, she tryin’ ta get into it now and the crack heads are holdin’ her back. If the police take all three dealers away they can’t get their shit. They all showin’ up with they food stamp money while the cops effectin’ the arrest.
“Fat Mamma sayin’ she can’t be locked up ‘cause she diabetic en need her medicine. So the cops get nice—the man cuffed in a car now—and let the daughter, another big bitch, go get her diabetes medicine. The bitch comes outside and hands the cops her mamma’s medicine and he yells, ‘You dumb bitch, this is Xanex, not even a prescription, this shit is illegal! How dare you give this to me.’
She says, ‘Well that what she take for her diabetes.’
“So the cop turns to Fat Mamma and says, ‘You best scoot yer big ass ova ‘cause you got company’, and arrests the dumb bitch daughter! This shit was like Santa Claus comin’ down the chimney; clean sweep, the whole crackhouse arrested on stupidity. The bitch was sayin’ that she couldn’t be arrested ‘cause she had kids, so they just snatched the kids too for Social Services.
“The funny thing is, after the cops haul off the three of them, and the kids, the crack heads won’t stop banging on the doors and the windows and yelling, ‘Hey, I got my money. I need my stuff!’ as if there was someone in there. And maybe there was; somebody with the brains to hide from the cops. But they weren’t dealin’ no drugs.”
“The crack heads eventually drifted away, and for one night I didn’t have to put up with the drug dealing while my dog and me watched flicks. What a slam! I’m still smiling on that.”
So Men in Blue, T-Bone might be a cop-hating ex-criminal, but he can still appreciate a job well done.
When You're Food: Raw:
A Fighter’s View of Predatory Aggression: The Forever Autumn Press Edition
Title of the Year.