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'Paying for Freddie Gray'
The Author's Coach Calls to Inform of His Change of Residency
© 2017 James LaFond
James, I was going to move back into town, now that my son has moved on. I was either going to stay there while I rehabbed the place for a rental or for me to live in. With the operations I had not been down for a while, over a month.
You know all of the water main work they've had the Mexicans and other illegals doing in the neighborhood?
Well, I get a bill in the mail—up here in Hagerstown—from Baltimore City, for seven thousand dollars and change! A freaking water bill! Are you listening to me, Young Man—your fucking mayor is billing me over seven grand for water I didn't use!
Yes, your mayor—you still live in that shithole city, don't you!
So I go down there and here they have installed a new line to the house and left it open. The [hillside] house was built on an old coal bunker and has a granite walled basement, which is now a fucking swimming pool! These dumb bastards have pumped eleven-thousand—are you listening to me—eleven thousand gallons a day into that basement! The place is ruined.
So, I call up the City and tell them that I need this valve to my house shut off—they blew the fucking interior valve when they attached this mothersucker—like a fire hydrant pointed at my basement.
They said—this is your fucking City administration I'm talking about, young man—that they wouldn't turn it off until I paid the bill!
I said, "Fuck you!" shut the valve myself, filed for bankruptcy—the bank can have it.
I suppose they decided we were going to have to pay for Freddie Gray's legal settlement. I talked to the lady who owns the store down the street and she said the same thing happened to her and she owes eighty-three thousand in water bills.
So there you go. I'm a retired veteran—got shot for this son-of-a-bitch—and I just lost my house to pay for Freddie Gray.
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BaruchK     May 1, 2017

I don't think they did this sort of thing even in the Soviet Union (though they might build some massive aluminum smelter and give everyone in a 50 km radius cancer...)
Sam J.     May 1, 2017

Jesus H. Christ. They are mad.
PR     May 2, 2017

Anarcho-tyranny at its finest. I doubt the bill would hold up in court, but then again our courts are entirely corrupt also.
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