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Resisting Arrest
Officer Copper Balls Advises the Deranged Crackpot
© 2020 James LaFond
Officer Copper Balls is a Border State officer based south of the Mason-Dixon Line who called me today.
James, first, in all serious, I am prefacing this with a plea for you to leave the Baltimore Area soon and for good and to get to a rural area like where I live so that you will not be put in the position of choosing arrest or death by cop.
To effectively resist arrest you must absolutely not let us get a single cuff on you. Even if you are a real big dude, if I have a cuff on you it’s over—there is just too much I can do and your ass is really getting worked over.
Your hat and sunglasses, especially that floppy bush hat, is excellent protection against mace, even the IC stuff we use which also compromises your breathing. The effect is largely based on the individual. We have some fit officers such as myself who will be disabled for up to a half hour. A couple guys can shake it off in ten seconds. I’ve been tear gassed and pepper sprayed and hit with IC, I can tell you I’d rather have you beat me with a stick for five minutes. Ironically the women seem to take pepper spray the best.
If you get tased—and please, we are not having this conversation…
[Author assures the deep state listeners that this is just research for his upcoming adventure novel, Drinking With A Gay Giraffe.]
If you get tased, it will hurt like hell for five seconds and then you will be fine. I’ll then tell you to put your hands behind your head. That is when you need to pull one of the leads out. It needs a closed circuit to shock you. It will hurt like pulling a fishhook out of your skin, but no big deal and then I will have to close with you and manually tase you with the gun itself, which would play into your dragging a cop to hell with you ideology pretty well.
I must say that I was very disturbed by your declaration that you feel that way.
Be that as it may, only four in twenty of us can fight and only two of those have any training.
Please, retire to a country farm and finish out your days in peace and quiet in natural surroundings and get out of that place.
Here Is What I Think
guerilla masculinity
Running Away as a Viable Survival Option
on the overton railroad
taboo you
barbarism versus civilization
fiction anthology one
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