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‘How Do I Psychologically Become Stronger?’
Monday with Michael Collins #2
[My comments are in brackets.]
Thanks James!
Basically, as a kid my stepfather knocked me around a lot. We would do a lot of "sparring" for karate. Me being a skinny kid from the ages of 6-12 (as a man I am only 5'7” and 150 lbs) and him being around 6'3 and 200+ pounds. He never broke bones or left bruises. But he would punch me so hard to knock the wind out of me, choke me, scream and cuss at me etc. My self-esteem was zero. He never really taught me how to fight. Just do karate forms, strike the bag and then fight him. Which never went well for me.
[Michael. I am so sorry this happened to you. You must overcome this, as your keystone. Like most martial artists, like most people, your step father was a terrible person. The reason for the focus on forms in karate, is to force the un-trusted student to labor along patterns well known to, and even taught to him by, the master. This enables the master to set and spring traps in sparring. Traditional, Asian-based martial arts instruction is conducted along a master-slave axis. Never do another form. As meditation, I suggest shadow boxing extensively alone without a mirror most of the time. I have read the many other pages you sent me about your various training experiences. Like most atrial artists, your instructors were mostly shit-headed creeps. You have enough experience to adopt yourself as your first student.]
My essential question is how do I psychologically become stronger mentally when it comes to physical and mental aggression. I don't want to be a barbarian, though I respect the barbarian's courage, I am a catholic who is becoming eastern orthodox. So the masculine architype I am shooting for is more the virtuous knight. I hope that makes sense.
[Discipline is the answer to being a successful barbarian or his cucked counterpart in civilization, the knight. You are a better man than any of these creeps that trained you. So use them as negative barometers and train yourself.]
I went to basically an all Mexican school in southern CA. I was verbally picked on but not physically that much. One day me and a neighbor kid got into an argument. He was white and about my size. He kept pushing me in front of my mom and a neighbor woman. I turned around grabbed him and tripped him. Then I put my shin on his neck and chocked him similar to what that cop did to the black guy a year ago that started the riots. This was all by instinct. I never learned this in karate. The kid was digging his nails into my chest but that was about it. Then after a few seconds I get up and walk away. He charges me and I do a karate front kick to his stomach and drop him. My mom was proud of me but later my step dad comes homes and yells at me say, “I taught you to always run away instead of fight, you broke the karate code” This was laughable on his part because of how violent he was, and then he cut my black belt in half and threw it in the trash. I was so happy inside. I stopped going to karate and my step dad left me alone from then on for some reason.”
[What a typical, invalidating, karody guy piece-of-shit that dude was. Good job taking out the bully. I guarantee that if you had scalped him alive, and given the scalp to his mother, that you would have never been picked on again. You must understand that most of your encounters, the attacks on your person that you related to me, which I will detail individually at other points in this weekly column, have been based on the fact that you are obviously civilized. After going over your document –some 22 pages and near 6,000 words—I believe that you are a much better combatant than I ever was, both of us being undersized. It was only my dedication to breaking the evil laws of men and butchering my attackers with steel, that saved me from your fate. Know that your civilized path as a Christian knight will be far harder than my heathen trace, though our enemies are the myriad same.]
I joined the wrestling team. My dad wrestled for 4 years and was a varsity wrestler. I was an ok wrestler. I made JV the first year and varsity the second year. 135 1st year and 145 second year. I was bullied all the time by seniors on the team.
[Bullying was the entire basis for British Military culture, the culture that literally formed the foundation for Modernity. It is very hard to be a civilized participant in masculine cultures that are ultimately based on the Anglophone Slave Ethos of perpetual pecking-order invalidation. No one picked on me in similar situations once I made my first attempt to kill over an insult. The Christian value that all meat-puppet life is sacred and that killing of evil-doers is wrong, is the cross that the knight has to bear, as he will ever serve a faith whose sheep-like flock hates him quietly for being the sheep-dog of tired metaphor—why the wolf ethos appeals to me. They will hate you softly from behind gossamer curtains which your violet kind alone permits to hang undisturbed. Find a Saint and adopt his rule to deal with this tension.]
I decided not to wrestle anymore. I didn’t want to deal with all the bullies. And I wanted to learn how to box. I watched the movie Cinderella Man and I wanted to learn how to fight like that. I thought boxing is the missing piece. I also have to admit that I was burnt out from wrestling practice. I always felt like a kicked dog after wrestling season was over. My body was overtrained.
- Michael Collins

Michael, relaxation is the key you are looking for. Of course avoid consistent over-training. I would stop forever involvement in group training. You must be your coach. You know your body and your history. Those many experiences you had training, all count for nothing to be recognized by and put into the new clone-like combat you that any of the many miserable fucks who teach martial arts around the world would like to build from the zero-mark they see as you.
Learn to train in an utmost relaxed state.
Video yourself and then review your training and adjust for the next session.
Practice realistic weapons training.
Walking and hiking and dancing will probably be your best supplementary exercises.
I will visit some of your more specific questions and experiences here in the future.
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AnonymousFeb 24, 2021

While I am empathetic, this guy needs to grow a pair and stop feeling sorry for himself. Many are far worse off
Andy MetzgerFeb 24, 2021

Well, get into boxing then. Not billy banks shit either.
DixFeb 25, 2021

I appreciate Michael Collins story and James response to it . It take a lot of balls to share a story like that . I grew up with bullies too and learnt to go savage on them when they harassed me . These stories might help some young people seeking for direction in handling situations in life .
Michael CollinsFeb 26, 2021

Hi James, thanks for all the great advice.

I wanted to go on a little tangent about the barbarian vs knight. To me, the Christian knight is, in theory, a defender of the weak, a force for good, an honorable warrior, etc. Most knights didn’t meet this standard and that means they were bad Christian knights.

On the other hand, a barbarian warrior, for example the Viking, if he rapes, murders, pillages, sells captives into slavery, he is not a bad Viking. He actually is a good Viking. My understand is that the phrase, “go Viking” meant to go raiding. I don’t want to be that. Where is the honor in it?

One of my favorite movies, Seven Samurai, the samurai are not fighting for money or material possessions (except food), most of them are fighting for glory, and adventure. But I believe at least the old samurai who was the leader, was fighting because he wanted to help the peasants. The old samurai is what I mean by a Christian knight. He is a force for good.

Also I do believe at least traditional Christianity is in favor of killing evil people, for example, the death penalty or just war theory, self-defense etc. Its only in the modern era have Christians moved away from the death penalty. Concerning the sanctity of all life, I personally believe in it.

Take care James!
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