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'Do They Know?'
Three Old Men Discuss Women: 10/5/21
© 2021 James LaFond
DEC/29/21
The three men gathered at Garland's house. He is a small white-haired man with a big square head who has been working since age 16 in film making. Nearing 70, he has just completed three 16-hour days in a row, filming commercials. His big break was building cabins for the 1972 Robert Redford movie Jeremiah Johnson. After that he worked on the set of Grizzly Adams and even kept a an extra as a pet—a timber wolf. His latest job was using a motion robot to film a pretty woman of color falling onto a mattress in light blue jeans.
Garland worked on the set of Halloween 4 which was shot at The Avenues, an old portion of Salt Lake City. Hey said, “The guy behind that mask was the nicest fella in the world, a born again Christian who wouldn't hurt a flea. The first day on the shoot we film him stabbing some woman with a shot gun and here we go, 'another Disney moment.' Only only ever worked two horror movies. It didn't take me long to realize that all the flippin' horror work was at night. Anybody that says hard work is good for you has never worked hard.”
Bob and James had brought Garland's half of the honey and Garland noted that Bob's arm was swollen from being stung and inquired of James whose said, “Oh, I didn't get hit—I was working the Fifty-Cal. [Shopvac].”
Garland: “Bob, if Deb's at work—take the day off—when she goes to work you go to the chair. That woman will work you to death. On your tombstone I'm going to have inscribed, 'Deb, I told you I was tired!”
Bob: “Yeah, I'm beat—get tired easier than I used to.”
Garland: “So where you off to next, James?”
James: “Oakland.”
Bob: “Got himself a little philly there.”
Garland: “Oh, so you're a little slut now—lost all that weight now you're finding a port in every storm—good on you.”
[Laughter.]
Garland: “It's all about the squirt. Gotta get the poison out. If it wasn't for the squirt I'd be convicted of murder by now—and a good girl knows that! Isn't that right, Bob?”
Bob: “How I got four children—always told my Wife, you know, its either this or I'm angry all the time.”
Garland: “But do you think they really know, Bob?”
Bob: “Not the extent of it—particularly now how the young women behave.”
Garland: “So they really don't know.”
Bob: “No, not that we'd as soon hunt them as look at them if it weren't for the—you know...”
[laughter]
Garland: “Imagine if they knew that if it wasn't for the sex we'd be out there with our rifles looking for a plump one with long legs and you'd be saying, 'Now, Garland, make sure you lead her—mind the wind—and get a head shot so as not to ruin the Meat!'”
[laughter]
Bob: “No, they don't know.”
Garland: “Good thing, good thing! Now you go get some rest.”
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