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‘How Americans Used to Be’
“RUSSIA'S ORTHODOX JIHAD” AND THE REFLECTIONS OF AN AMERICAN LIVING IN RUSSIA by Cainus Maxus
© 2015 James LaFond
FEB/13/15
I remember viewing a VICE documentary following the antics of a punk rock band of Russian sluts with little talent who could not decide if they wanted to cuss like a black American from Baltimore or a white limey from Liverpool. I recall being embarrassed that some of my favorite American filmmakers were lionizing these putrid creatures famous only for desecrating a church—and oddly wishing that they would take their show on the road to Saudi Arabia.
Likewise, since the most intelligent immigrants to America I have known are Russian, and the fact that Russian gangsters are so much better at gangstering than Americans that they take over wherever they show up in the American underworld, I find it difficult to stomach the view in the American media and the Hollywood Left that Russia is home to knuckle dragging goons. A look at organized crime is always a good way to rate a people’s cultural cohesion and managerial sophistication.
Latino gangs always defeat black gangs because they are more cohesive, not because they are more violent. The strongest black gang in the Eastern U.S. just tore itself apart snitching on each other, betrayed by its leader, in a Baltimore Courtroom. That is unthinkable in Latino circles. White gangs tend to occupy an apex position above black and Latino gangs because they demonstrate better management skills, and use violence more judiciously. Russian gangsters bring the complete cohesion-competency package, and that reflects well on their parent culture. Even our worst represent us as a group.
It was with a sense of relief that I began reading Cainus Maxus’ expose on the senseless douchebaggery of our particular form of hubris. I highly recommend that readers interested in the question of Russia as the current ‘most hated nation’ in American politomedia doctrine read his insightful article available through the link below.
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Jeremy Bentham     Feb 13, 2015

The American Liberal attitude towards Russia has always been a dichotomy. On the one hand American Liberals admired the Russian Communists of the old Soviet Union for their efforts to create a more "just and equitable society". One in which "no man had reason to envy another". Thus the tyranny and genocide of the Soviet regime were dismissed as "over-zealousness" by Leftist American apologists. Otherwise, what the Russian Communists were trying to accomplish in their country was an example to followed by all other countries, America included. On the other hand American Liberals could not take the Russians seriously as a military threat because they seemed so backwards and bumbling to the American Liberals. Indeed the Soviet Union was a paradox, a society that had the scientific and engineering acumen to put men in space, but at the same time could not figure out how to install a gas trap in a sink drain (which is why the public rest rooms in Communist countries stunk to high heaven with sewer gas). Soviet consumer goods appeared shoddily made in the extreme; they couldn't make a computer smaller than a barn.

But just as pardoxically, many things have changed since the U.S.S.R. collapsed 24 years ago. Now Pravda is criticizing the U.S. Goverment for promoting socialism rather than free market capitalism:

english.pravda.ru/opinion/columnists/19-11-2012/122849-obama_soviet_mistake-0

Furthermore, besides having become capitalist, Russia is now a Christian country, whereas the United States is currently ruled by godless communists. What a flip-flop! All these changes could pose a real moral dillema for a jingoistic myrmidon such as myself, if America was to go to war with Russia that is. LOL!
James     Feb 13, 2015

Also Jeremy, from what I have seen of our Russian immigrants on the East Coast the land of the Czars does produce superior females. Don't you worry Miss Martin, if I decide to start breeding again I'll throw away the old Filipino wives catalog and get onto a Russian wives website!
Jeremy Bentham     Feb 13, 2015

Indeed! One wonders where the Communists were hiding all those lovely creatures, James. People used to make unkind jokes about the appearance of Russian women. No more! Certainly one of the problems we have in America is that so many of our young women have made themselves unsuitable candidates for marriage. One sees them hanging out in clubs complaining "where are all the decent men?", yet one has to wonder what makes them imagine that they are any kind of a prize? The situation makes those foreign mail order brides look all the more attractive, especially those Eastern European beauties. The irony is that even though you are basically buying a "pig in a poke" with the foreign mail order brides, odds are that at worst, you probably won't come off any different than if you married a native-born American girl you knew since grade school. Yep, those are the two best exports Russia has provided us since the fall of the Iron Curtain: cheap ammunition and beautiful women. Well hey, we'll even throw in the tough and entertaining boxers and MMA fighters to boot.
James     Feb 14, 2015

Amen JB.

I recall reading a spy novel about an American spook who disliked Russian women because of their steel teeth.

Then, last year I began training a young Russian lady at a karate school. She walked in the door in an ankle length dress and high heels—a dress! On American women you only see those at weddings and funerals. She walked out of the dressing room and onto the floor in ballet tights. I was trying to concentrate on her form—well, that wasn't too difficult—and was thinking, "And we almost nuked all these cuties?"

The sensei came over to me after training and said, "She trains for free—what a sight for sore eyes!"

And you know what Jeremy, she graciously insisted on paying, because she was classy too. An American chick would have either pocketed the fee of gotten bitchy thinking she was being objectified.

'The way Americans used to be'—we might want to try that again some day.
Maureen     Feb 13, 2015

Yay! Throw that Ho away! She's trying to steal your DNA! :)
James     Feb 14, 2015

Congrats, Maureen, that line will be used by Randy Bracken in the next Sunset novel!

I love your poetic flare.
Jeremy Bentham     Feb 15, 2015

I don't really believe Russians today are "the way American's used to be". Russians are Russians and Americans are Americans. Both countries have their own unique traditions, politics and history. Decidedly different. However, there are, of course, traits the two peoples seem to have in common, both admirable and not so admirable. For example, judging by what one can see displayed on Youtube these days, Russians can be just as eccentric, exhibitionistic and downright weird as Americans. Just as violent too. One must admit though that it is true that contemporary Americans have abandoned wholesale too many of the courtesies, customs and traditions that served us so well as a '"social lubricant" in the past. So much so that by comparison it makes Russian immigrants who exhibit good old fashioned manners appear to be much more civilized and much more likeable than so many of our own native born countrymen. Even "White Anglo-Saxon Protestant" non-multicultural Americans. It is ironic that the Russian Communists proved to be unable to completely eliminate religion and "bourgeois morality" from the public consciousness in their coutry, whereas our American Marxists have largely succeed in doing exactly that. It is a major factor in what makes living in the big city an emotionally stressful experience for many of our citzens today, rather than the convenience it once was. But regardless of the class and good manners displayed by Russian immigrants to America, the country Russia still has many more serious faults when compared to America. Third world levels of crime, corruption and disfunction among them. For instance, Russia has a much higher murder rate than America. For example, in 2009 Russia had 21,603 murders, while America had 13,600. That comes out to a rate of 13 murders per 100,000 people for Russia as opposed to 5.2 murders per 100,000 people for the entire United States of America. For all of contemporary America's faults even Greenland has a higher murder rate than the U.S.A. at 19.2 murders per "100,000" people in 2009. Keep in mind that Greenland only has a poplulation of 56,483 (2013). But regardless of those facts, Yes, I do seem to be in agreement with you James that it would be a cool thing if our fellow American citizens could see fit to once again observe some of the customs and courtesies of the past. Customs, courtesies and qualties of character that we sorely miss and thus have come to admire them whenever we see them displayed by many of the recent Eastern European immgrants to our Homeland.
James     Feb 16, 2015

I try to keep in mind, that despite such articles as this, that there are no shortage of amateur YouTube films on the extreme disfunction in various levels of Russian society, that rivals anything we might see in Detroit. I suppose why this article struck such a note in my mind is that it makes clear how poisonous our liberal course combined with our material abundance has been to our own national character.

For instance our head of state thinks that bringing down the Russian standard of living through economic sanctions is going to stop a people who won the bloodiest war in history, in which they took the most casualties by far.

At some levels I have to be wary of class bias with this article. I remember reading on India in 7th Grade in an advanced course in one school, and discovering how poorly most of the people had it. Then, in the next class in 8th grade, a student who came from a missionary family and had lived with a Brahmin family in an affluent area of India above the Ganges told us that India was a paradise in which no one starved, no wives were killed at their husbands funeral, no one had a dozen kids just hoping that two would survive to be able to support their impoverished parents in old age, etc. I was scolded by the teacher for suggesting that Indian children had a lower standard of living than us. So, since the author is obviously married into an upper class family, we might expect some rose-coloring here. My one Russian friend told me that Russian women have had to put up with a lot of abusive and job slacking men just because—due to war and alcoholism—there have not been enough men to go around. Hence the Russian wife market

After all, America is still the place to be, the place the Russians I have met come to for a better life.

Thanks for the feedback Jeremy.
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