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Why You Don’t Get Laid
Your Trojan Whorse: Appendix, Repossessing Your Manhood in a Woman’s World
© 2013 James LaFond
2015 Update
While 'dusting off my old outlines I came across this piece and decided it was not worth writing. In these Pornographic United States it is just too easy to acquire physical companionship. This outline is being consigned to the appendix of Your Trojan Whorse.
This week I was discussing my current fiction project with a young man: a sci-fi tale told from the perspective of a male prostitute. My friend then began discussing his lonely situation. I invoked the wisdom of the male stripper, male escorts, man-whore, callgirl, and madam, that I had interviewed for The Violence Project [which became Harm City]more than a decade ago. Those people specialized in comforting the lonely, both men and women, and had provided me with some interesting insights.
I had decided to do a non-fiction book this winter, and thought it would be The Most Evil Presidents. I began to reassess my authorial priorities, and came to the deeply philosophical conclusion that Joey's aching heart is more important than understanding the evil bastard that owns me and rules the world from a pious chair. To hell with our rulers past and present I say—let's get some nerds laid!
Charles promised me he would put this thing on the fast track to PDF as soon as I send it in. Look for it this winter.
Dust Cover
Are you alone? Do you ever find yourself wondering why she’s with another guy, or even worse, why she’d rather be alone than with you?
Are you attached and still alone: your status as her lover dwarfed by your role as her handyman or provider; or even worse, your amorous attentions only required after she has viewed a Dwayne Johnson movie?
Why You Are Not Getting Laid provides 20 specific verifiable reasons why you do not have a woman; or if you do, why she would rather read porn than be touched by you.
“If a guy does not talk a woman might as well sleep with her dog. And no woman marries a dog.”
-V.J. Waks
Part One: Why
This is not a book about how to have sex, or even how to convince some woman you are packing worthy DNA. Rather, this is a guide for the self-diagnosis of your intimate malfunction. The goal is to help you understand women better—particularly their diversity—by examining the reason or reasons why they—or maybe just that specific woman—have chosen to keep you at arm’s length or beyond, in the empty wilderness of feminine rejection.
1. Why Am I Writing This Book?
2. Why Do I Have the Answers To Your Tormenting Question?
3. Why Aren’t You Getting Laid?
4. Why Jesus, Allah, God, Satan, Odin and Charles Darwin’s Ghost Do Not Care That You Are Not Getting Laid!
Why 3
Why Aren’t You Getting Laid?
The short answer is because you didn’t make the sex team.
Now, if that is a game you don’t care to play congratulations brother. The value of sex to a fulfilling life is vastly overrated; particularly for men. However, if you would like to be on the sex team you have to be drafted. If you’re gay, that’s no problem. Because the dudes you want to hook up with think just like you. But if you want a woman, in a woman’s world—and make no mistake, America is a woman’s world—you need to know why one of them has not drafted you; or has cut you from her two-person team; or just keeps you on the sidelines warming the bench, while she dreams about the man she wishes she was with. Would you want to be that guy, the one she dreams about?
Part Two: Because
1. Because You Have Been Mind-fucked By A Sick Society Into Desiring Adult Women Who Are Built Like 14-year-old Girls
2. Because You Are Not Dante Justine
3. Because You Are Broke
4. Because You Are Ugly
5. Because You Are A Punk
6. Because You Are Weak
7. Because You Are A Nerd
8. Because You Are Stupid
9. Because You Are Not Dope Dick Jones
10. Because You Did Not Steal Her Soul
11. Because You Are Not Having Sex With Other Women
12. Because You Don’t Have Your Own Place
13. Because You Let Her Move In You Idiot
14. Because You Married Her You Fool
15. Because You Are Not Married To Another Woman
16. Because You Do Not Make Her Laugh
17. Because You Are Too Much Like Her
18. Because You Can’t Read Her Mind
19. Because She Gazes Into A Cruel Mirror
20. Because Your Balls Lay Smoldering On Another Man’s Altar
‘Letin’ The Trash Takeout The Trash’
the man cave
The Ethics of Stomping
on combat
logic of force
the fighting edge
'in these goings down'
under the god of things
the greatest boxer
the sunset saga complete
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