JL: Beer Dealership, The

Author’s Proof

Concept Developed with Ghost Girl One

Dedicated to Uncle Ted The Younger

Dust Cover

Bung Ron, who was once Young Ron, is the used beer dealer at the American Beer dealership in Zoom Town America—the Taps have seen better days, the bung hammer ever at the ready. Slick Seth is the new beer dealer working a herd of marks that ever wither fewer in the Post Boomer winter. Merry Ann tends the wine bar as life sinks from weird to worse. Zack Cheer works the whiskey bar as business trends from spirits to beer. Cody Tear, born in sorrow of an orphan fear, preaches sobriety, under a state liquor board license, spreading the idea of a better tomorrow. Across the street, in the penthouse bar, waits Balty O’Seven, guarding what the broken savor, assured of Tomorrow’s sweet favor.

Fussed Cover

Americans of Late Modernity know all too well the frustration of paying for autonomous transportation through a process of debt exploitation, where aftermarket shills stoke every fear of reliable mobility. Legion are the American “home owners,” who are in actual fact “home renters under liability,” who have been forever traumatized by the experience of “buying a house,” in which they are seated at a table of anonymous creditors and compelled by the needs of home security to sign hundreds of documents that they are not permitted to read. Dubious an honor as it is to buy in the land of the free, imagine a future where such burdens are fantastical gee whiz, among the debt-ridden consumers who find themselves adrift—and sober—in the stables of the wee… reduced to debt-ladden economic jizz…

“Welcome to The Beer Dealership,” chimes the sweet young lady behind the counter to the customer of the post economic future.

“My life is a movie I don’t wanna watch.”

-This Movie Sucks, Durry

Original Concept

Dry ran the world. Clean fresh water is a thing of the past in Zoom Town America. Nothing may be made from the raw stuff of Mother Earth. Terminal economic decline has been addressed by law, executive order, community ordinance, corporate initiatives and medical guidelines. Everything must be 100% recycled. Alcohol consumption, as per the prophecy of Guru Roe Jogan, is socially stigmatized and penalized. Drinking at home is medically unsafe. Grapes, berries and honey may still be used in making wine and mead. But beer and spirits, heavily dependent on water, must, by law, in America, be brewed at the beer dealerships from the water deposited there by the customers. A wide variety of loans, leases, rentals and mortgages are available to the alcohol consumer.

With car ownership, home ownership and individual alcohol use prohibited, the drinking public is served by the salesmen, financial officers, managers and auto-mechanics turned brew-masters, who once inhabited that hallowed economic zone of America, the car dealership. Beer Dealership, The is the story of those harrowed souls charged with administering civically circumscribed libations to the herd of hopeless proles known as bar flies, dunks or alcoholics. The view to this renewable still is had through the window of a single day in the life of those human gears caught in the economic node of a lost civilization in a nation built of promises crafted so as to implode.

Brainstorming Beer Dealership

Yesterday, Tuesday, December 23, 2025, Ghost Girl One was shopping for Christmas hams, when the tramp next to her said, “Is there a beer dealership on the way home?”

We both laughed. He had come from Pennsylvania were there are beer distributors and had been talking to Megan the night before about the insanity of working at a car dealership, and somehow, the pickled brain of the passenger triangulated along comic lines. Ghost Girl One, then said, “What if there were beer dealerships, where the bartenders had all of the motivation of a car salesman—imagine, putting your brain in the hands of a used car salesman? And, how do you sell used beer?”

“It sounds like the making of a novel?” drooled the tramp as we pulled into Nikki’s Liquor Store, now owned and run by two Hindus. This beautiful specimen of prime womanhood fairly made the purchase decisions each for the various friends coming over that night. The bill came due and I, the bearded patriarch, paid. The liquor and beer made a hefty box. Ghost Girl One, who is thrice as strong as this old tramp, stood ready to haul off the box. The Hindus looked at one another, their eyes saying, “Daughter or wife?”

The old Anglo-Irish stain was up to the challenge, hefting that box before her worried eyes. When we got outside she asked, “You need help?”

“Of course I do—but now they think I’m the luckiest old man in Baltimore!”

The scheming between the mismatched twain continued along the theme of notional, environmentally responsible, alcoholic decline.

Disclaimer

The author drank Natural Light, National Bohemian, Chocolate Stout, Whiskey Stout, and half a bottle of Kavanagh single malt Irish whiskey, in that ascending order, at this dinning room table, while outlining this literary masterpiece. Do not try this at home. Walk, do not drive, do not bicycle, to the nearest beer dealership. So indemnified, the author here assigns the rights to Beer Dealership, The: Confessions of a Piss Peddler, to Uncle Ted The Younger, who is currently supervising this venture from his high chair.

Casting Note

All of the characters in this novel are real people. Most of the Beer Dealership staff drank at this table last night. The consumers are real-life authentic drunks from Baltimore, Lancaster Pennsylvania, G-String New Jersey and Portland, Oregon. This is done for authenticity, as Zoom Town America is coming into being across the face of this consumptive notion, peopled by folks from everywhere.

Contents

Ghost Girl One Decreed 13 Chapters

“High density housing is very echo friendly and there would be shops underneath. But this is a seedy—some slum lord is renting this space—and they’ve secretly knocked down the walls to create these four different bars in this high density housing project.”

-1. Only The Best

At the Liquor Bar with Zack Cheer

-2. Jackson Brown or Michael Jackson

At the Wine Bar with Merry Ann and Freckles

-3. The Perfect Pour

At the New Beer Bar with Slick Seth and Big Norman

-4. The Last Boomer

Used Beer Loan with Bung Ron

-5. The First GenXer

Used Beer Rental with Bung Ron

-6. My Friend

Sobriety Options with Cody Tear