Theme song for this diatribe is by the Rolling Testicles: “Dancing in the Street” (1985):

I always enjoy seeing huge turds in the street, because it gives me comfort that the inevitable decay is progressing nicely. Diseases are one of the fringe benefits.

Why, the other day, I saw the mother of all turds done on a ledge outside a shop, almost as an offering to the malevolent gods who play with our fates. The turd was layered, like the guy’s ass was some sort of ice cream blender, and if a slave with a chemical suit stretched it out, it would surely have encircled the Earth, like the Mudgard Serpent.

Keep up the good work, America!