Jacob, while we appreciate your enthusiasm, please do not get carried away. If you happen to find a stray virgin wandering witless and lost in the asphalt jungle, do not attempt to sacrifice her to the God of Thunder. Appeasing his Bolt-hurling Omnirotica is a job for a professional, such as myself. Hire a Salvadoran gangster or Mormon Elder to transport her to White Avenue in Harm City, Maryland, and set her loose. Never fear, I will find her when I hear Raeaynalita two doors down shout, "Oh, no she didn't walk down da mufafucin' street in 'er own hair in fron' a ma manz!"

As the hoodrats begin testing the breeze with their flaring nostrils and circling on their stolen bikes, converging on her position, I promise to effect a news-worthy rescue!

Thanks again, Jacob.