I have gotten numerous complaints for covering too much Ebonic drug culture in my Harm City postings. Come on guys, what can you expect from the last real black man in Baltimore? So, when I found out that Tammy, a young lady working herself through college at the local pizzeria, babysits for a Caucasian toddler; a blonde blue-eyed dominance template in diapers, no doubt destined to become one of the legions of New Right Аrуаn super warriors who shall finally push back the tide of sweaty humanity crossing the Rio Grande, and go on to storm Mecca and Medina, I could not resist interviewing her about this young prodigy.
Tammy has earned half of the credits she requires to begin working as a school teacher, so I decided to simply survey her concerning his parenting, behavior, and vocabulary.
Jonny lives in Dundalk Maryland, just across the Baltimore County line. He has a newborn sister and lives with four adults, who, between them, seem incapable of providing for his supervision and other needs, and hence employ Tammy, his mother’s sister, as a childcare provider whenever they can talk her into it.
Jonny’s Mom is unemployed, and receives $500 in EBT food stamps per month, and is on the WIC program.
Jonny’s father is a drug dealer. He used to sell pot, making barely enough money to provide for his own habit. Then, when Jonny was an infant 18 months ago, Dad was stabbed by two guys who were unhappy with his flexible calculations. Surviving the stabbing turned out to be an unexpected windfall as Dad now has prescription pain pills he can sell. Still, he barely makes enough off of his drug business to stay high and keep current on the Assassin’s Creed video game.
Jonny’s grandmother is ‘disabled’ due to chronic pain and is addicted to pain medication. The rental is—I think—a subsidized one in her name.
Jonny’s grandfather is unemployed and ‘stoned all of the time,’ according to Tammy.
Jonny’s negative behaviors include slapping his grandmother, double slapping his grandmother like a terrible little Batman, and also shoving, pinching and biting adults when he does not get what he wants when he wants it. He also throws household items to such a degree that Tammy will not let him come over to visit as she has glass cabinets in her apartment, stating for the record, ‘My stuff would not last an hour with that kid going berserk. You can forget the wine glasses—gone! They would probably be the missiles he uses to destroy the rest of the place.’
Jonny’s entire vocabulary is listed below from most to least frequently used words. He seems to be an adaptable little primate, using gestures, pulling, pushing, biting, and hurled objects to supplement the meager vocabulary gifted him by his earthly caretakers.
Jonny’s Vocabulary, from Most to Least Often Used
1. Mom-mom*
2. Bitch*
3. Junkie*
4. Shit
5. Pop
6. Mom
7. Dad
8. Yes
9. No
10. Shut up
11. Pool [his favorite place to go]
12. Bastard
13. Cuոt [used exclusively to address his father]
*All words used to address his grandmother, his primary caretaker.
On the positive side, Jonny refuses to do the ‘dopefiend lean’ in imitation of his grandmother, even when encouraged to do so by the other adults. He has also never uttered the word ‘fuck’ even though it is the most common word used by the adults with whom he cohabitates.
Seems like an adaptable little fellow to me.
Well it's certainly good to see that even your unemployed drug addicts can afford to pay for child care. Baltimore must be much more prosperous than I had heretofore realized. Also it looks like Harm City's Nordic people have reverted to the condition that Caesar and Tacitus found them in some 2000 years ago: "When not engaged in war they pass much of their time in the chase, and still more in idleness, giving themselves up to sleep and feasting. The bravest and most warlike do no work; they give over the management of the household, of the home, and of the land to the women, the old men, and the weaker members of the family, while they themselves remain in the most sluggish inactivity. It is strange that the same men should be so fond of idleness and yet so averse to peace." Tacitus also found that the Germanic people of his day were given to drinking to excess:"If they are supplied with as much as they desire to drink, they will be overcome by their own vices as easily as by the arms of an enemy." Likewise the Nordics you observed seemed to prefer to spend the majority of their time in an altered state of consciousness by ingesting intoxicating substances. I wonder what made the Nordic people of your region revert to such an atavistic state?
Tacitus—or an actor dressed up as him—giving an 'urban safari' tour of Harm City! This is my ticket to the big time JB! Perhaps we can use some surplus WWII amphibious Ducks like they use for the Inner Harbor tour...
Actually the bimbo mom in question told the social worker that she only needed the food stamps and not the cash assistance as her boyfriend still had plenty of 'oxys' to sell. At least she is not greedy! The daycare is of the free, 'Hey Tammy, why don't you come over for dinner, and please pick up a bucket of fried chicken on the way and stay with Jonny for a few hours' variety of un compensated parental brat dumping.
As for the reduced state of the Nordic master race in Harm City, I might give you a clue as to the angle at which Jonny's dad wears his fitted ball cap, and the fact that the belt line of his cargo shorts is below his pasty posterior, and the fact that he precedes each declarative sentence with 'Yo'...
Yeah, an urban safari tour! Sounds like a winner to me. If you can't get any WWII Ducks I'm certain you could talk the Pentagon into giving you some MRAP trucks. Looks like this is your chance to bring ethnography into the post-modern era as well. I look forward to reading your first edition of "Baltimoria": "The Baltimoreans live in narrow dwellings made of brownstone built one against the other in endless rows that stretch as far as the eye can see...A very religious people, one often witnesses Baltimoreans on the street bowed in positions of prayer and supplication… They commit the bodies of their dead to the sea in a bay known as the Inner Harbor”.
Anyway, what you are telling me is that Baltimore’s Nordic people are adopting the dress, speech and mannerisms of the urban African-American community. This is most puzzling! I was given to understand that America is ruled by white people, so if that was the case then young black Americans would be imitating the dress and manners of young white Americans, not the other way around. As Theodoric, the Fifth Century King of the Ostrogoth’s, said, “An able Goth wants to be like a Roman; only a poor Roman wants to be like a Goth”. Theodoric perceived the Romans to be generally the more successful group, the people who lived a better life. Likewise, the descendants of the ancient Germanics now living in Harm City are no doubt copying blacks because they perceive THEM to be the more successful group, the people who are living a better life. Now that is an eye opener! Personally I would have surmised that the reason Harm City’s Nordics find themselves in their current reduced condition is because the modern welfare state has been as been as ruinous in its effect on them as it has been on blacks. If you pay people for not working, they don’t work. Like Duh! But then I’m just a jingoistic myrmidon.
20 years ago I constantly heard complaints from low income Nordics that they were working for less than the baby making benefits enjoyed by their darker neighbors. Now most Harm City dwellers are happily sucking at the State gerbil dripper, regardless of ethnicity.
I like your Ostrogothic-Roman analogy. Let us not forget the Roman senators—and even an emperor—who aspired to being a gladiator, who was a slave. Of course this did not come about until Rome began experiencing a steep decline.
Always nice to hear from our Jingoistic Myrmidon Jeremy.