Okay brother, here is the problem: tap water is treated with chlorine, chlorine kills bacteria, and your gut is a 24 foot long bacteria-dependent sewer system, pretty much articulated to you via your nose by your body in the form of farts.

If you insist on drinking tap water you must have a cup of yogurt before you go to sleep. So for however long you sleep that beneficial bacteria will multiple in your gut—until you dump a bottle of chlorinated water down there and wipe them out!

I realize that most people don’t like yogurt because it tastes like eating your girl out when she has a yeast infection. In fact most yogurt looks like one form of vaginal discharge or another.

Look, the fact that you’re laughing tells me you’ve done it so you know I’m right!

Mix up your yogurt with vanilla and some fruit, don’t wash it down with chlorinated water, and get your old lady a Monistat kit!

Later brother.