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Traditional Publishing
Crackpot Response to What Seems the Only Legit Literary Agent in America
© 2021 James LaFond
Are You Ready to be Traditionally Published?
Jul 1, 2021, 12:43 PM (20 hours ago)
I hope you are doing well in these trying times.
I am sending this email for your consideration.
Are you looking for a literary agent for your book and want it to be out in a self-publishing company? If yes, let me know and so that we can guide you how to be traditionally published. We are not connected to any self-publishing companies but instead we will serve as the middleman between you and traditional publishing companies. We have HarperCollins, Penguin Random House, MacMillan and other minor traditional publishers in the market.
The process is we will evaluate the content first and then our agency will decide if the book is suitable to be traditionally published or not. Once the book is accepted, we will then invest on the book project until the book will be acquired but that excludes the editing. All books that will be accepted should and must be ready in terms of the editing before we will create a query letter for the book endorsement.
Let me know if you are interested and I am always happy to help.
Warm regards,
Robyn Monroe | Literary Agent
Phone : ‪[redacted, in case she is a lady.]
Silver Ink Literary Agency
200 S Virginia St. Reno, NV 89501, United States

Robyn, I normally do not respond to these emails, especially to a group. However, this impresses me as possibly the only offer of hundreds—no, thousands—I have received, which is legitimate. I was traditionally published, thrice, from 2000 thru 2011. Since then I have had 17-some books published for me by readers volunteering their services. This affords me enough income to live as a hobo out of a rucksack. 
I am content with this form of self publishing, as I have all this lifestyle needs take. 
My volunteers now sit upon a file of 61 books yet to be published. I have no desire for these to be traditionally published, not even the children's books.
The reason why i write this is it seems that you are contacting me along with other self-published authors. 
My object is this—of the over 500 emails and the thousands of phone calls i have received from functionaries of the traditional publishing and the subsidy publishing world, since 2019, I regard this email as the lone honest attempt to woo me into the clutches of bossy little people who lack the ability to make their own work and wish to police my uneven use of high case letters when referring to my own person. If I wished the attention of such bossy little people in making more money, so that I could gain status in a world I so despise as to have forsaken it for the very gutters that drain the pavement at its iniquitous shoes—I would consider your organization for the task. You may feel free to use this as a gratis promotion. 
To be honest, i'm doing this to entertain my long-suffering readers and will be posting this as open content on my main site—excepting the emails of the innocent parties. I'm scheduling it for posting on Saturday, July 24. Speaking of which, having bossy big-brained people set up things like websites with scheduling functions is a boon and guards against the addling of the aged mind.
May Wicked Fortuna favor thee.
PS: Robyn, if you are a lady, and fair, i will be taking the train through Reno a few times this year. I promise not to bring my blue tarp to lunch.
'Dere Goes Midal Urff'
author's notebook
'Sleepy Head'
book of nightmares
the greatest lie ever sold
winter of a fighting life
the lesser angels of our nature
blue eyed daughter of zeus
Ruben     Jul 24, 2021

Genius............this is damned funny
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