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The Arsenal At Your Feet
Mescaline Franklin Steps Into The Man Cave to Acquire Skull Crushing Wisdom For the Coming Stone Age
© 2015 James LaFond
MAY/1/15
“Was the stone the first weapon, the thing that evolved into the club, and into the bats that these savages are smashing in car windows with? Or was it the stick? Which one do you think came first—and, of course, why?”
We are going back millions of years with this question to the time when small hominids—like the size of an elementary school child—were skulking around lion and hyena kills. They probably placed above the jackals right off the bat, and were able to run off Cheetahs. They were hunted by leopards, and were most likely competing head to head with the African dog packs.
Essentially, the behavior downtown this week was more similar to kill scavenging than to war or hunting. Early man was no hunter.
The first weapon could have been a stick if the right piece of branchless, desiccated wood happened to be lying around. Stick weapons are generally impractical until you have stone tools to shape them.
Obviously, while scavenging the bottom end of a kill—particularly a cheetah or leopard kill—these fellows would have wanted the bone marrow. The easiest way to get at it is to crack open a long bone. This would be best done over a stone at first, and then with a smaller handier stone that could be carried. I imagine the use of the ungulate femur bone as a club coming into fashion at virtually the same time as the handheld stone during the course of scavenging.
For instance, let’s suppose, at a primordial Mondawmin Mall, Tyrone Erectus was about to smash open the femur of a zebra with a stone, and Terrence Erectus tried to take it from him? A smash with the stone followed by a finishing blow with the leg bone may well have heralded our ascent to power, every tyrant among us indebted to Tyrone Erectus for his imaginative problem solving skills.
The unaltered stone evolved into the bolo, then the sling stone, and eventually the bullet and cannon ball.
The handheld stone became the hand axe, by chipping away at the thing with a hammer stone. This produced flakes that could cut and pierce and therefore gave birth to knives, and projectile heads. Eventually some forms of knives would evolve into a limited selection of small swords. The hand axe evolve into various axes, the apex being the early modern halberd.
The club evolved into the staff weapons, the war club, and the oar, which is a handy war club itself. The war club and oar eventually evolved into a wide variety of swords.
The simple stone alone is a formidable weapon, the weapon used to slaughter an entire troop of baboons 700,000 years ago, by David to kill Goliath, and by the students of Frederick Douglas High School to emasculate the Baltimore City Police Department. As you walk through residential areas on the eve of apocalypse keep an eye out for easily loosened bricks. If attacked, I suggest—if given time—smashing one brick in half on a curb, so that you have two weapons, and because the full size brick can be impractical to throw depending on your physicality. Look at the crumbling ruin of your urban centers and the truck loads of bricks decorating the suburban gardens of the deluded, and you will find an arsenal at your feet.
Oh yes, If you are serious about winning a rock battle. Forget the rocks. Invest in a sack of lacrosse balls, and recruit all of the baseball players you know. Seriously, learn how to throw.
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fatmanjudo     May 1, 2015

I think it was in paris they paved over the cobblestones to deprive the people of ammo. Ripping up the streets to throw at cops now that is a serious riot.

you forgot Cain and Able. My vote is for the rock as the first weapon. Good ranged weapon for pests and skull cracker for hand to hand. Pleantiful in all seasons and all locations. A group of baseball players could drive off even large preditors. Those that can effectively kill at a distance would have a coloric advantage over the hunters who had to get close.

However I do remember reading that neanderthals did not have the proper shoulder development to throw overhand while cromags did. If true the neanderthals would need to use long sticks to gain distance. So the answer may be a biological question concerning the development of movement in the shoulder joint.
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