Click to Subscribe
Hunting Chumps #2
The Virtues of a Slow Wingman
© 2013 James LaFond
I’m sorry Yo. I know I promised my hood-rat readers early this year that I would come through with regular installments to aid yo in the cause of righteous redistribution of The Man’s ill-gotten gains into yo lonely pockets. All I can say is, ‘yo get what yo pay for homeboy…’
For illustrative purposes I shall be paraphrasing the text of a New York Post article from May 12th 2013 by Natasha Velez—Yo, Yo! Pay attention Yo. Do yoself a favor, and for however many minutes or hours it takes yo to read this heartfelt advice from me to Yo, stop wondering what a New Yor-Rican/Russian babe looks like…
Charles Hackett, a hard working thug, was working the Bronx; just his little corner of it. He wasn’t selling drugs to kids—none of that. Charles and his wingman were working East Tremont Avenue near Southern Boulevard at 12:35 pm. Now, I hope I don’t need to tell yo that that ‘pm’ should have been an ‘am’, feel me Yo?
Okay, Charles and his wingman spot this old fool walking down the street with Mother’s Day flowers, a day early. Now an ass-kisser like this deserves to get banked to begin with. And on top of that, Charles spots him flashing a Gold pendent on a chain. From here on out I will be illustrating Charles Hackett’s failure to follow established Chump Banking Protocol.
Charles and his wingman walk up on the chump, who is unbelievably old, like a hundred or something, and demand the pendent. The old dude must have been somebody back in the day so he stepped up and fought. They knocked the chump around and took the chain and pendent from his neck. It is always a mistake to fight in broad daylight—to fight at all really. This old dude was walking with some flowers so yo could expect him to step up; and now yo have a fight. Fights are not good for business.
The worst thing Charles did was ignore those two dirt-bags up the street—who turned out to be narcs! So here it comes Yo: yo worst nightmare: old dude flexing in yo face; and fiends morphing into Five-O! Now, yo thinking of course, that that has got to be the worst of it, right?
Wrong! Charles’ wingman was faster than him Yo! Now, that dude is so fast they didn’t even get his name! But there lay Charles, narc knees in his ribs, hands behind his back, and some hot-ass Russo-Rican babe writing about how he is a creep for beating up some 78-year-old dude who was buying flowers for his deceased wife’s memorial photo.
So Yo, this is yo checklist:
1. Do it in the dark
2. Bank chumps, do not fight them
3. Do not do yo work in front of dope-fiends who inexplicably have legs like A-Rod!
4. Do yo work with a slow dude, at least slower than yo fool!!
That is all the advice I have for yo now Yo. Remember, nighttime is yo friend.
Panhandler Nation #6
harm city
the combat space
advent america
the gods of boxing
let the world fend for itself
of the sunset world
  Add a new comment below: