I have received e-mails and comments from readers—all far more intelligent than the people I normally associate with—concerning the questions of masculinity, feminism and society. A decade or so back I did a creative writing experiment that sheds some light on how the normal person thinks. What us writers and avid readers often forget is that almost nobody writes and very few people read beyond the level of advertisements and warnings. I have often used working class and criminal people as models for primitive characters in fiction. Ann Sterzinger, in her recent review, and in an e-mail, hinted that I am reluctant to succeed commercially as a writer as it would endanger my status as a laborer and cut off the source for much of my character information. I must admit that there is something to her theory. How would I write another ancient slave believably and at variance from previous depictions if not for the inspiration of the wage slaves I share my life with?

So, for those men and women who wonder what things might look like if we suddenly started from scratch again, here is one possibility.

Just before New Years it is annually my habit to try and convert as many of my handwritten notes to computer files as possible. So, I thought it was about time to file away this faded memo pad from late December 1999. I do not know if you are old enough to recall, but it was supposed to be the end of the world as we knew it: Y2K. All computers would go into digital menopause and the world of finance, the power grid, the ‘star wars’ array, would all of a sudden be married to a raging virtual female of global girth.

Back then, I was winding up my research on the Violence Project, and preparing to dive headfirst into a huge ancient boxing project which entailed the reading of over 1,000 books. I wanted to take a break from the nonfiction grind and write something fun, but lacked the mental energy. My coworkers, on the inner city supermarket night crew, began discussing the End Times which were nigh. Since I was the only employee who could actually decipher the union handbook I was regarded as something of a Lex Luther type genius, and always consulted on such matters.

I decided on a self-serving writing exercise, once attempted by my 7th Grade teacher, until some 13 year-old psychopath ruined it. I thought this exercise might provide me with a storyline to go with the crazy characters I worked with. The concept was to ask a group of people what they would do if they were all of a sudden shipwrecked together on a desert island, with no foreseeable chance of rescue. If you are interested in how this went for my teacher back in the 1970s, go to the fiction page and read The Sad Scientist.

My method was to ask everyone three questions at break time [midnight] and then see them about their answers at lunchtime [3:00 a.m.]. In the meantime they would be alone in their work areas, and unable to share information. After setting the stage briefly, I asked them:

1. What would your immediate goal be?

2. What would be your first action?

3. What would be your second action if the first action went poorly?

My cast was quizzed from highest ranking to lowest [by position and seniority], and consisted of the characters named below, according to the nickname they were known on the crew:

1. ‘The Dark Elf’ or ‘Asshole’ was the night crew captain, aged 35, short, and weighing in at about 125 pounds. The Dark Elf was a lazy, rural, white back-stabber who took credit from and laid blame on the crew that did his work while he played nurf football or read the newspaper.

2. ‘Buster’ AKA ‘The Forty Year Old Virgin’, was the loyal, dimwitted, second man, about 200 pounds of stubborn urban white resolve.

3. ‘Silverback’ was the senior clerk, a 60-year-old black man from the Deep South, who stood six-two and scaled about 260 ponds.

4. ‘Bigboy’, was the frozen foods clerk, a black, 35-year-old former minor league football player and street thug from Washington D.C. [Bigboy and Silverback had previously engaged in a brawl in the lunchroom, resulting in a bite wound and a drawn razor.]

5. JoJo was the deli clerk, a hard-talking former street-fighter. Although she weighed in at only 105 pounds and was 45 years of age, this white chick was, pound-for-pound, regarded as the toughest person on the crew.

6. ‘Archie’ AKA ‘Sissy Boy’, at six-foot and seven-inches tall, this 21-year-old white clerk was inclined to poetry and group sex.

7. Liz, at 25-years-old, was a curvy natural blonde cashier who pulled in about a half-dozen cops every night, eager to chat her up rather than fight crime.

8. ‘Sammy’, a 20-year-old gay mixed race clerk, was the new guy on the crew, and was being targeted for economic death by ‘The Dark Elf’.

9. ‘Chiquito’, was an illegal Mexican immigrant who cleaned the floors at night. He scaled about 90 pounds, and was routinely tormented by Bigboy who he called ‘El Gordo’.

Okay, so what could go wrong with this group of castaways? I only have their answers, having never written the story. I leave it to you, my readers, to come up with your own interpretation of the probable first 24-hours on Harm City Island. I was partially interested in how the existing hierarchy, such as it was, would hold up. I certainly wasn’t expecting Gilligan’s Island. The one thing that this crew had going for it over most crews, was that there were no alcoholics or drug addicts, which usually constitute 60% of a crew.

1. ‘The Dark Elf’: “Are you kidding me? I want to survive. That means I’ll run my ass off for the hills as soon as we hit the beach. Back-up plan? Run faster!”

2. ‘Buster’: “Kill The Dark Elf, strangle him most likely. If that doesn’t work I’ll drown him.”

3. ‘Silverback’: “That Sweet Thang dare—gots ta have dat. First course will be to whoop dat Bigboy butt! Not kill him, jus’ make an example—lay it down. If I lose? Hell, I guess I’d be stuck with JoJo—Oh hell no! Dat evil bitch like ta cut my throat in ma sleep. Shee, I guess I either take dat fаggot or break in Sissy Boy—ya hea’ dat Archie! You big sissy, you betta hope Bigboy don’t whoop dis ass! Old fella might could use a hand! I’d have me a bitch one way o da otha.”

4. ‘Bigboy’: “Liz. The rest a them fools be killin’ the Boss. It a be a throw down with ole Silverback! He is a big boy—en bite like a goddamn rot. So, if I lose, I guess I’ll settle fo JoJo.”

5. ‘JoJo’: “Survive shit! Working this shitty job is survival. Living with a crazy drunk that beats my ass is survival. This would be my life’s chance at a vacation! Okay, you know Silverback and Bigboy will be fighting over Liz while the rest of those idiots kill The Boss. The loser will want me. No way. They are all ugly! I’d rather go lezzy with Liz. At least she’s good looking. Whoever loses, Chiquito and me will kill in their sleep. Then, we go over and murder the other big bastard. Contingency shit. This works or I die trying. We will need men to work while I’m learning how to be a lezbo, and to fight in case cannibals show up. Buster and the sissy boys can live.”

6. ‘Archie’: “The Dark Elf dies on the beach! That’s it. Nothing else matters.”

7. ‘Liz’: “Why would you ask the steak what its goals were just before you threw it to the dogs? I’ll stick with JoJo and do what she says. I hope she doesn’t pimp me out.”

8. ‘Sammy’: “The men are all callous idiots. I will align myself with the women.”

9. ‘Chiquito’: Our Vera Cruz native had very little English. He does draw a finger across the throat convincing though, as he did when he snarled, “El Gordo filetta finito!”

These folks did not describe all of the foraging and hut-building I would have expected. The surprising thing for me was the reliability with which they were able to predict each other’s behavior. 6 of 9 individuals settled on violence as their first action. We had four basic choices uppermost, which were chosen at the following rates, from the top of the preexisting hierarchy to the bottom:

1. Survival: 1 in 9

2. Companionship: 2 in 9

3. Vengeance: 3 in 9

4. Alliance: 3 in 9

In retrospect, rather than as a story-generator, I like this as a crisis behavior predictor, as it was initially used by my poor school teacher. The vengeance results here would extrapolate to attacks on politicians in a fall of civilization scenario. It is also interesting that you immediately ended up with 2 blocks of weak and oppressed people [the entire bottom of the crew] who struck out at or allied themselves against those at the top of the existing hierarchy. Overall, violence clustered in the center of the existing hierarchy pyramid.

I don’t know about you, but I think JoJo has a lock on the post-disaster power structure.