Skinnies is a logistical adventure, highly gear-focused, babe-centric and gratuitously violent. Dramatic Persons will be introduced below according to their narrative purpose—AKA, as weapons platforms!

Monty, the Wichita Ghost Snatcher

… Somali skin boots with Mexican bone heels & soles, as Somali bone tends to wear quickly,

… Urban camo tactical pants with side pocket battle dressings.

… Gray ballistic vest over urban camo jacket with leather neck collar,

...Doeskin shooting glove on right hand and modified butcher’s mail glove on left hand to deal with the edged weapon preference of his prey,

… A brown leather Australian bush hat, banded in Somali hair

… A Somali hide duster, oiled with rendered Aztec belly fat…

… 1984 Jeep CJ7, urban camo pattern, with spare tire and 20-gallon gas can. Two Bold Steel brand movie replicas: Conan’s Atlantean sword sheathed under the driver’s side running board, replica of Conan’s battle ax from the final battle at the burial mounds clipped to the roll bar of the open cab, both open carry edged weapons too heavy for Skinny usage

… 3.57 Ruger SP 101 Snubnose, 5 rounds, 5 reloads, on left leg holster

… 9MM Glock 17, 17 rounds, 2 spare mags, on right thigh

… Frontier tomahawk, on right hip, silicon carbide grip

… Trench knife, 1918, brass knuckles, on left hip for ice pick draw

… Clinch pick behind belt for left ice pick or right forehand draw

… Microtech mechanical dagger in right back pocket

… Gerber boot knife clipped on right Keene winter boot

… Oh, yes, you thought the low tech narrator was slipping—AR 15, BCM, 5.56 Blackout, two 30 round banana clips Gorilla taped together, and 3 spare 30 round clips on vest.

That, is a lot of skinnies, and Monty is not done, he has:

Norman, Monty’s 160 pound Great Pyrannes/Mastiff.

Norman’s Kit, is all in Russian autumn camo pattern.

… Kevlar Mesh Body Armor, with ballistic chest plate—he can still out run his natural prey, the Skinnies

… Kevlar mesh head and neck open muzzle, with composite skull plate.

… Kevlar collar with 7 stainless steel spikes along the back and side, none under, the collar

… Kevlar camel back loaded with Modelo Negra beer

… His fangs and bone splintering jaws

… His nails, manicured at the Side Pockets pool hall by the barmaids who feed him Jamaican Jerked boneless wings to cleans his pallet of his stable food—being Skinnies. His nails and upper paws have recently been fitted with Kevlar mesh mitts with ceramic claw backs added to his natural armament with the aid of camo medical tape.

Support Staff Stations at Side Pockets Pool Hall & Bar

Tits & Tats

Boss Bitch Head Barmaid at Sidepockets

In Bikini top and tight shredded cut-off jeans, armed with a side-by-side 12 Gauge coach gun, with 20 spare rounds on a bandoleer, worn tastelessly between her Double Ds. Monty brought her this gun so he could see her jiggle when it recoiled…

Ass & Brass, armed with something called a Kadee, to be described in the action scene, more importantly dressed in snakeskin cowboy boots, tight jeans and halter, under a denim jacket, with large brass hoop earrings off-setting her red hair and crazy green eyes…

Mah & Pops: Mah, confined to a wheel chair, and Pops on a medical cane, are heavily armed with “I don’t give a damn I’m already dead stoicism…”

Rodeo Ron is a shit-kicking black redneck packing brass knuckles behind his rodeo belt buckle, and a tire iron, who only drinks Guiness, which he swears was invented by a black Irishman…

Dallas Jack, a slight black fellow of urban mannerisms, is decked out in 100% Dallas Cowboys gear, from sneakers to hoody and bennie hat. He is armed with a 0.25 auto, which has never been cleaned and jams every second round. He doesn’t have a spare clip. What is worse, he drinks Miller Highlife with ice cubes and hates the Kansas City Chiefs…

Wichita Phatz, is an enormous wigger who plays pool even under the worst bar fight circumstances, and is armed with his weighted pool cue. He drinks Pabst tall boy cans…

Ned & Ted are two redneck brothers who throw darts and are armed with three of these each, and folding buck knives. They drink well whiskey, straight up, and wash it back with Bud bottles, with which they are also armed.

Willy Mar pitched a season for the Kansas City Royals as a reliever. Now he plays pool with Phatz and recalls his glory days. He drinks Pabst by the pitcher and is armed with as many pool balls as he needs. He’s still good for about 30 throws at 90MPH.

The Sissy, is armed only with guilt, doubt and compassion and is sympathetic to the Skinny plight.

Kylee is a gorgeous shorty with a great figure, only 22 years old, who is being trained by Ass & Brass and bossed by Tits & Tats. She is utterly worthless, other than as booty, armed only with the witless charm her two female coworkers discarded a decade ago. Saving KYLEE from Skinny captivity is the prime motivation of every man at the pool hall/bar & grille.

…

“Dant, dant daaah!”

The Skinny Enemy

4,000 Light Infantry: Setting down at the Eisenhower Airport are 20 C-130s loaded with 200 Skinny warriors each. Each warrior is armed with a liquid khat camel back, courtesy of the DEA and a Billaowe. This short sword has a 7 inch hilt with a three-prong crown pummel of wood. The blade is double-edged, leaf shaped and pointed.

800 Workers: Ten 747s and DC 10s are bringing in about 80 house builders, 200 with women and children each. The men are armed with US surplus entrenching tools.

1200 Mechanized Infantry: 10 Atlas Strato-drone transports, donated for this humanitarian mission by the IMF and World Bank, are each configured to hold two 10-passenger vans and 2 50-passenger buses full of skinny warriors.

5,000 Workers: Landing at McConnel Air Force in conscripted civilian airliners, each armed with a tool donated by Homeland Security: grill lighters, pry bars, shovels, picks, mattocks, hoes, rakes, buckets and trows for making habitations from Kansas straw and Missouri dung, and the promise of a Wichita wife to put in the house they build or confiscate as colonial reparations. These workers are tasked with demolishing existing, none-sustainable, habitations.

4,000 Light Infantry, without khat camel-backs, who have been promised khat by the DEA [a false-hope recruitment lure] and are armed only with cargo hooks and case cutters, are being dropped in on 700 pallets bananas and 300 pallets of rice. This produce is being donated by a consortium of American grocers, as reparations for the crimes of the American Fruit Company in the Mid 20th Century. Half of these heroic Somali volunteers are expected to be injured or killed as the pallets they are parachuting in on hit the ground or the urban/suburban structures in and around Wichita.

4,000 Paratroopers: Dropped in from C-130s, with no previous training, by US Airmen, are armed each with a Canadian forestry machete donated by the Canadian Government.

200 Officers and 400 NCOs: These unit cadres shall be inserted to take command of the various units by USMC Sea King and Osprey air frames. The officer staff consists of 1 general, 2 colonels, 10 majors, 40 captains, 120 lieutenants and 360 sergeants, all Canadian, English, Australian or American Muslims of African decent. Officers are armed with un-sharpened ceremonial USMC swords and replicas of navy 0.36 revolvers.

Sergeants are Somalis armed with an ornate, high quality billaowe and a traditional Somali spear hung below the head with a Somali/American flag. The Somali/American ensign is in the shape of Kansas, with stripes as per a standard American flag, with the Somali flag occupying the field in the upper left corner usually reserved for the stars. It is hoped that these men will be trained as officers, selecting sergeants from the rank and file, for the total security of Somali Kansas.

American Kansas shall be limited to Kansas City Kansas. That is the only authorized destination for displaced Kansas American Citizens. American persons and undocumented resident aliens may egress to Missouri, Oklahoma, Iowa and Nebraska.