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60 Years Fled on Planet Meathead
Training For My Final Fights on May 20, at Man Weekend 2023: 9/24/22, Utah
© 2022 James LaFond
JAN/9/23
Leading up to this event I will be doing everything I can to train up men I stay with. Once there, on the 19th, I will be available for coaching and sparring all day.
Sean has posted this article on the website announcing the parameters: Man Weekend 2023
Looking down the barrel of Year Sixty, legit old age as a human, and ancient as a fighter, I need to think seriously in advance how my combat participation can serve the event and also my remaining desire for combat, which is far stronger than I am.
First, Sean took it easy on me. He’s a big fooker who could finish me off quickly and we had our brawl in 2016. So, I won’t be fighting Sean in boxing or stick. I don’t want somebody carrying me for my last fight.
I really like the 3 1 minute rounds in boxing. This will make the bouts tougher and keep the event moving more smoothly.
I will go over each event in terms of my availability for you young bucks to beat me up.
Boxing/Kickboxing/MMA: 3x1 minute rounds
I feel strongly that everyone who shows up should box and then the rest of the stuff is optional. Boxing for three rounds definitely punches the man card.
Boxing
3 1-Minute Rounds
I think I can get in good enough shape to do this twice.
I really want to box Dennis.
In addition, I’ll box one other man after that. Since this will be my last boxing bout, I thought we could use it to raise money for Sean’s food bill for the weekend, by having you savages bid on who gets to knock me around the ring for three minutes.
I cannot kickbox, just not able to.
MMA?
I’ll fight Paul Bingham or Juan Stabone in an MMA bout. If they can’t, then I could do one bout with someone who is weak on grappling and kicks. If you can do either at an intermediate level and are young, I’ll probably get hurt bad enough not to be able to do the rest of the events.
Stick/Knife/Steel fighting: First to 3 clean kill shots wins
I can do as many of these as people want to do with me. With knife I will only do steel. If you are a novice, I will only hit your glove and mask. Hey, if Dexter makes it to this event, he’s the man to beat with the machete.
Stick/Knife: Submission and/or most accumulated damage in 3 minutes
For this event, I think the people who don’t feel comfortable with weapons yet, should do a 3 minute knife round and the experienced weapon fighters should rock and roll with the stick.
A 3 minute stick fight is epic—a pain-filled eternity. By submission we mean until you quit. For instance, if you get disarmed, or beaten down, the opponent steps back and asks you if you want to continue. So, if I did this with Brett, I might have to crawl off the floor numerous times on my way to a decision loss or just submit.
I have two of these in me and would like to do it with:
Brett, single stick [light sticks, so my hands don’t get broken before the other stick fight]. If Brett can’t make it, the Brickmouse would make a great bout.
Cory, double heavy stick
Sjambok Duel, umbrella duel, chain fighting and other weird stuff, if one of you guys wants to do it, I will too, if able.
Grappling: Sub only
Last year we finished off with grappling, with the six monsters doing the ape roll while most of us watched. I wrestled for a couple years when a kid, and never won one of my four matches, and cannot defend myself against a good shooter or skilled grappler.
If Juan Stabone can make it, I’ll grapple him, he being a fellow geezer. If Juan and I did an MMA fight, there is no sense in him submitting me a second time. In that case, I’d be willing to roll—or flop—with a younger fellow with no grappling experience, figuring I might as well finish fighting where I’m weakest, on the floor. Of course, in case of Divine Intervention, and I survive my MMA bout against either Juan or Paul, courtesy demands I wrestle that fellow at days end so the meathead world can once again spin on its ordained axis.
I pledge to do everything I can to be in the best health possible for my final voluntary combat and my last Man Weekend.
After May 20 I intend to devote my remaining testosterone to PUSSY: you young fellas are leaving a lot of lonely women out here and someone has to keep Darling Yin under the Damned Yang.
Thanks so much, Sean.
Scheduled on 10/14/2022
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