At Kenwood High School, the complete works of William Shakespeare [abridged] are being performed by the Drama Club on March 17, 18 and 19, in the Sheeple’s Republic of Maryland. Othello will be sung as a rap, and all of The Poet’s history plays will be presented as a football game. Most importantly, spunky Junior Athena Claudio will be playing Romeo and lightly bearded senior Nick Sipes will be playing Juliet in the tragedy named after the two doomed lovers.

This is occurring at a school which one recently graduated student informed me that virtually the entire senior class was pregnant. But never fear, there is a daycare facility at the school so that future Romiets and Julios may be indoctrinated into our genderless tomorrow from the very cradle.